Posted by: Shar & Mare | April 11, 2009

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire.

Mariann and I have decided to switch off posting to the LifeBytes blog and since she did the honors last week I will now take over with some thoughts, opinions, questions and other myriad wanderings of my mind. Not as scary as it sounds, I promise. I just like to wax philosophical about ideas and other keen stuff – something that has driven at least two or three exes stark-raving mad in the past…sorry guys…:)

So…this week’s musings:
I am weirdly honest. It must be some aberrant personality flaw that I have. My online profile has all the correct stats on me, my correct height, real age, real body type, real interests. No mistakin’ me for a blow-up doll; I am REAL. The closest I ever got to fudging the truth in a profile was where I said I enjoyed watching sports. I will watch the Super Bowl, Olympic Ice Skating and Iron Chef America (I think competitive cooking should be an Olympic Sport, OK?). My comment though could have been construed as “here’s a girl who hangs out on the couch all day watching ESPN”. That was about it for me stretching the truth though.

I was therefore, and always will be, amazed at the untruths posted in online dating profiles. Seems that women have a tendency to lie about their age and men about their height. I am not a tall person (5’4″….REALLY) but I learned early on to wear flats on a first date. This allowed me to get a true sense of how my dates height matched with my own since I do like my man to be at least a tiny bit taller than me. I could tell in the first five minutes whether I could avail myself of my entire, glorious shoe wardrobe of varying heel heights or if I would have to limit myself to flats.

To be quite honest, I don’t think that any man I ever met online lied purposely about his height. I really believe that these guys thought that they were telling the truth! Most men I met online thought that they were about two inches taller than they actually were. So gentlemen, before you post an online profile, measure your height at the gym. You will endear yourself to your dates for your heartwarming honesty.

Age is another biggie. Women lie about this more than men, but I’ve met a few members of the male species who shave a few years off. Either they post a younger age or a photo taken eons ago. Sometimes they do both. Do you think that your dates won’t figure it out when they meet you?!! If you only dated the nearsighted or blind you might get away with it for a while, but not indefinitely.

I was on a coffee date with an online match once and the conversation turned to this very topic. He told me of a woman he’d met online who had a very nice photo of herself posted. They conversed through email for a few days, seemed to be hitting it off and decided to meet for dinner. He said that she allowed him to pick her up at her home for the date. Not something that a savvy online dater usually does but this woman said that she felt as if she knew him well enough through email to trust having him come to her home (BTW, he actually was a very nice and down-to-earth man). He got to her house and a woman opened the door. He said “Hi, I’m Joe. I’m here to pick up your granddaughter”. YES, YES, you guessed it, it was her – NOT her grandmother! Needless to say “Joe” got a door slammed in his face.

I remain amazed that anyone would lie about things that are so easily disproved and I’m not alone in this puzzlement. The blog Online Dating Newsletter addressed this very topic not long ago (offers a few practical pointers for behaving honestly too). They also have a YouTube video from posted about online lies.

I do have one friend who explains her shaving two years off her life as a way of “spiking the bait” in online searches. Her theory is that the men in her age group who only want women younger than they are are passing up the opportunity to meet her based solely on age. So, by posting a younger age (to her credit I have to say that she does mention her real age in her About Me section) she feels she’s just casting a wider net.

I don’t know, like I said, me…honest…aberrant personality flaw. Sure, I really always wanted to meet someone who started lying to me before we actually met. Can’t wait to see the goodies he comes up with if we get involved! I just can’t bring myself to approach dating like that. Have you ever lied about something on a profile or met someone who has? Did they, or you have a logical reason for doing this? I’d really like to hear about this…just be honest about it…LOL

Type to you soon,



  1. I had to comment, since I had just written a blog about something similar that happened to a guy friend of mine…ah dating is never easy, and online only actually makes it worse it seems!!!

  2. Hi Sarah…just took a look at your blog! Ain’t it the truth? I think there’s a lot of “wishful thinking” in online profiles…more than the unvarnished truth…LOL

  3. While I have decided that we have to accept that looks aren’t the only thing we should care about it still matters when the photo doesn’t match the person we meet. More than that, for me anyway, I really hate it when I get responses from men who have nothing in common with me! I enjoy being outside, hiking, camping, gardening, etc., and I say I want to share those activities…and still I get responses form men who eventually let me know they have no interest in anything more demanding than dinner and a movie. If they think they’re saving their strength for something else (and you know what I mean) they can keep saving it-for someoone else!

  4. I agree Kathleen! At least be honest. When people do that, they are just setting themselves up for disappointment in the other person. Know who you are compatable with … sure would save people a lot of time!! LOL

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