Posted by: Shar & Mare | May 23, 2009

Ready…or not.

Online dating seems like the most socially dysfunctional way of meeting Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now. It does work though, I can tell you that. I had a wonderful 2 1/2 year relationship with a man I met through Match. Sadly it ended, but on a good note and we remain friends….maybe more again someday? Who knows, but for now I’m back in the dating saddle…galloping into town, guns blazing…OK, maybe that’s too extreme an analogy. Let’s say I’m slowly wading back into the pool…yes, that’s better. I did indulge in quite a bit of alone time after B. and I parted ways, I needed to do that. I particularly knew that I needed this because I’ve met men who weren’t quite ready to date, they thought they were but, truly, they weren’t.

A few years back I got a short note from a gentleman who I’ll call Mr. 007. I had noticed his profile a few months previous to this and, although he was very good looking and sounded sane in his profile, I declined to contact him since his relationship status was listed as Separated. Those of us who are divorced know from experience that this is not a good time to be dating. Let’s just say that this is the closest that most of us will come to experiencing clinical psychosis; too much stress, too much guilt, anger, overeating, anger, confusion…you know, all the fun stuff that keeps therapists in business. But now I noticed that Mr. 007 had changed his status to Divorced. Much better, certainly good enough to get to know more about him. I wrote back, he wrote back, we exchanged phone numbers, talked-he really was divorced and single….no red flags so far. Yippee! We made plans to meet.

We met at a local family pub/restaurant and sat at the bar for a “getting to know you” drink before we decided if we wanted to stay for dinner. I have to say, he was even cuter in person, salt and pepper hair and bright blue eyes. He was soft-spoken and articulate, worked in a very large corporation as a V.P. of Marketing and had two teenagers who he clearly adored. I was feeling the positive vibes and oh so happy.

Feeling a little flirty I said, “You work for such a huge corporation, I can’t believe that someone there hasn’t snatched up a catch like you.”

“Oh, no one there knows that I’m divorced”.

“They still think you’re separated? I’ll bet their just chompin’ at the bit waiting to find out the divorce is final.” I’ll admit it, I was sizing up the potential competition in the workplace..;)

“No one knows that I was even separated. I put my wedding ring on when I go to work.” He said this with deadpan seriousness. “I just don’t feel comfortable with having everyone I work with know that I’m not married anymore.”

What? I wasn’t sure how to take that. So, I asked him if he started dating someone and it turned into a long-term relationship would he, possibly, bring her to the office Holiday party at the end of the year (it was currently mid-June)? He seemed aghast that I would even suggest such a thing. No, he said he wouldn’t do that, couldn’t do that.

Hmmm, so Mr. 007 was looking for a nice woman to date but one who, although he was single and free to date, wouldn’t mind very much if he treated her like “The Other Woman”. No, not for me, I wanted someone who was not only legally ready to date but also mentally and emotionally ready to date. I politely declined his offer to stay for dinner.

Yours Truly…Ready, Willing and Able,



  1. I’m glad you responded that way. Geez, what a jerk.

  2. It would have been easy to think of him as a jerk if he hadn’t been so kind and sane in other aspects. I like to think of Mr. 007 as just very, very misguided…:)

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