We tend to focus on the negatives of online dating. And whereas those experiences are in abundance, we have to hold onto and remember the nice people we meet.
OK, some people are funny or scary or wierd or dyfunctional. But, I must say, I have met some very nice people on line. We dated and it did not work out, but I am better for knowing them and in some cases becoming friends with them.
I met “Steve” on chemistry.com when he contacted me at a time when my mother was sick. Shortly, after we started communicating, my mother went into the hospital. Afer a few weeks, my mothers condition worsened and became grave. I felt I owed it to Steve to let him know my situation and shared with him that my mother was very bad and I was not up to fluffy stupid emails and would not be able to email for quite awhile and would therefore be out of touch. And, when the time was right, I would get back to him. He wrote back that his father had had passed away in a car accident 6 months earlier and he understood when a parent you think will get better does not and is in the hospital and they only get worse. So, he understood where I was emotionally.
That bonded us. He continued to email. When I couldn’t sleep, I would email him and found him receptive, understanding and comforting. Our emails took on an elevated depth and meaning. I came to really look forward to Steve’s emails. He seemed to know me. Or, maybe he knew my experience and understood that.
I was very open with my pain and how I was feeling. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, which can be a double edged sword.
“Steve” seemed to appreciate this. In retrospect, I think I had a false sense of closeness and attachment to Steve because of the honesty of our emails.
It was a difficult situation because I think on some level I had built him up so high in my mind, that he could never measure up. And, that was unfair to him.
We finally did meet. He was a lovely and nice person. We dated for several months. But, I realized that as much as I liked him and felt he was an incredibly nice person, I knew he was not the one for me. My mind was wandering to others and I found myself preferring to explore a new job in a new city than to stay in my current location with him nearby.
It was difficult to tell him. But, he was gracious in his response. I want to stay friends with him, and I think he does too, and hopefully we will. But, he is trying and that is afterall, just what a nice person would do.
If anyone is interested … let me know … he is considered NICE PEOPLE! And, how nice to meet nice people!
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