Posted by: Shar & Mare | November 23, 2009

Better Dating Through Chemistry

Better dating through Chemistry…No, I don’t mean that you should drop a tab of LSD before an internet date; although I’ve had a few in the past that made me wish I’d been medicated for them. What I’m talking about is that chemical spark that inexplicably ignites when you meet certain people. Sometimes it happens immediately and sometimes it happens after a few dates…and you just don’t know why. I don’t think I want to know exactly what creates chemistry between a couple, I like the mystery. I like meeting someone, feeling that connection and then experiencing the delicious excitement of not knowing why it’s there or where it will lead us.

I think sometimes that I’m alone in that opinion. At least that’s the impression I get from many of the dating sites I’ve seen. They all seem to feature a personality test or a compatibility matching system or some other form of cyber-voodoo that will “guarantee” (this word is usually followed by the dreaded * – which means that you should take that word very, very loosely) your chances at finding true love.

eHarmony has an hours long test that matches you on different levels of compatibility. Of course, after all this there are a few people that eHarmony pronounces as “unmatchable”. WOW…my mother always told me that there’s a lid for every pot – apparently not. Of course she never had to take a test to find my dad. has a test that rates you in four areas. Perfect Match has a test created by a relationship expert. Even the free sites have quizzes and surveys that you can take that will give you insights into who you really are and who you really want to find. I’ve yet to find a site that uses astrology, tarot or tea leaves, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these showed up in the mix one day.

If all these guarantees of perfect compatibility through psycho-social poking, prodding and rating were a sure thing, dating sites would all be out of business and all the Las Vegas wedding chapels would be on the Fortune 500 list.

I remember a few years ago, the opening episode of that season’s “The Bachelor” included a young woman who was chosen for the bachelor based on their mutual eHarmony compatibility matching. She never made it past the first episode..yep…tossed off on her compatible little keister. So much for scientific matching.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like taking all those quirky personality tests. It brings me back to my tween years when my girlfriends and I would spend hours taking Cosmopolitan’s quizzes….”Are You Virtuous or Vixenish?”. We had no idea what some of those questions meant, but what a hoot trying to answer them…:) So now after all these years of Cosmo quizzes and internet chemistry tests I am probably the bane of psycho therapists everywhere….she who knows herself too well.

In the end though, when you’re meeting a new man or woman, it still comes down to that elusive, non-measurable chemical reaction. And I like that…the mystery, the excitement, the wondering where it will lead. That’s what I like about internet dating, it gives you so many more chances to find that.



  1. Although dating sites have all of those tests, they’re full of people who have written right in their profiles that they only want to meet people for coffee because they don’t want to “waste time” if there isn’t instant chemistry, and mentions of how you’ll know immediately if you “click”. It strikes me as absurd. Sure, immediate attraction is fun, but it’s not all there is, and many good relationships grow out of something that starts more slowly. But most of those opportunities are being missed, I think, because people jump ship if they’re not struck by lightning at the sight of someone.

  2. […] smile. For others it’s his sense of humor, profession, attitude about life in general, and so on. There are as many reasons for that spark of “chemistry” as there are fish in the sea…or singles in the dating […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: