Posted by: Shar & Mare | December 1, 2009


I took a break from internet dating. My personal life was in overload and I figured that I would get into more trouble if I did not pay my bills vs. surfing the net for my future husband.

My internet searches usually involve a radius of 50 miles. But, on this given day I decided to think outside that restriction and corresponded with a cute dimpled man in a state closer to FL than NJ. What did I have to lose?

We corresponded. Texted. IM’d on Facebook. I really do not like to “friend” potential dating prospects on Facebook. But, in this case made an exception.

My suitor emailed me and said he would be in town for a conference and suggested dinner. I was really looking forward to it. I met him at his hotel and we ate in the lobby. He did not have a car and I was not comfortable allowing a stranger into my car.

As we entered the restaurant, my suitor immediately talked about the benefits of how wonderful the people from the south are and engaged the hostess in the conversation. She was rather flirty and when she brought us to our table, I naturally sat down and he continued standing trying to find pictures of the trees in his backyard on his cell phone. The Hostess continued the conversation and when she left to seat another person, she said, “I’ll be right back.” And, sure enough, in quicktime she was. I felt she overstepped her bounds and she should have left us to dine instead of flirting with my date.

My date, J, was very nice and outgoing. Almost a little too outgoing. I was not sure whether to be charmed or scared.

No sooner had we gotten to the table than he pulled out an 8″ flat cutout of a photo (pasted onto cardboard) of a woman named, Mary Ellen. He insisted on taking a pic of Mary Ellen with the restuarant as the background and then emailed it to her. He told me there were good friends.

Eventually, the hostess returned to her job and my date sat down. We no sooner got our menus than J insisted that he take a pic of Flat Mary Ellen reading the menu while telling me they were very close friends.

Ok, this was sort of cute the first time. And, I can understand how friends can be silly together. But this “gag” was wearing very, very thin – almost as thin as Flat Mary Ellen.

Our drinks arrived and J again pulled flat Mary Ellen from his pocket and took her pic by the salt pepper saying, “we are emotionally very close.”

I frowned and was perplexed and had an overwhelming desire to plunge flat Mary Ellen into J’s Guinness and say, “look, Flat Mary Ellen is drowning in the beer. Quick, take a pic.” I refrained. Barely!

At this point, J kept his cell phone out and giggled as each emailed photo illicited a text from a not so flat Mary Ellen.

This was bordering on rude but our dinner was ordered and I was hungry.

When the food arrived, our conversation was again interrupted by J pulling flat Mary Ellen out and putting her by his plate – pretending to eat his dinner. At this point he said, “I met her on the same dating site as you. Actually, I guess you could say we are dating. I guess. We have great chemistry and get a long so well. We are friends … dating … I don’t know what we are … but I have never met anyone like her. Actually, I invited her to come on the trip but she couldn’t make it.”

Say *%!@# what? I thought.

Then why the hell are you on this dating site everyday and asking another girl to dinner?” I wanted to blurt out, but regrettably did not.

What kills me is that J told the real Mary Ellen that he was meeting me for dinner. At least he was truthful … to HER. But, as I reflect on it, I think he was very disrespectful towards this woman with whom he “had great chemistry with and had never met anyone like her before.”

I had other things to do than to be a “better option to eating alone” on this night. I also deserved better and deserved the same honesty that he gave to Mary Ellen.

Mariann wanted to dump flat Mary Ellen into the beer and then dump it on his lap. But writer Mariann had to see where this was going. Hey … I had a blog to write!! 🙂

J eventually went on about how his last girlfriend broke up with him because she thought he was having an emotional affair with a friend of his (who he dated briefly) of 25 years. And, I am thinking … his ex was probably dead on the money with her analysis.

It did not help that after his 2nd beer, J kept pulling out Flat Mary Ellen and called her … yep … “Flat Mariann.” I wanted to correct him, but I just smirked.

I sure am glad I am not his “Flat Mariann.”

Thanks for listening!!



  1. Absolutely hilarious and a bit shocking!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!!

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