Posted by: Shar & Mare | December 7, 2009

Where I Discover That Men Can Be…Surprising.

Between our day jobs and the holiday-family-stress-filled time of year that it is, the LifeBytes project is moving at a slower than snail’s pace. We’d love to have a few days where we could lock ourselves in with a case of Diet Coke and assorted junk foods and just plug away at the book….not to be right now. Although we are chipping away at getting this baby born.

We’ve been thrilled and gratefully amazed at the depth of some of the stories that have been submitted. Our potential authors have been incredibly generous in sharing their experiences and we’re feeling so positive about the (eventual…sigh) publication of LifeBytes. We’ve noticed that younger singles have quite a different approach to online dating than older, more battle-scarred, singles. Better? Worse? Funnier? Sadder? You’ll have to be the judges on that one. Some singles dip a toe into online dating, have one or two bad or just plain weird dates and give up on the online thing entirely; while others manage to keep their sense of humor intact enough to just relax and enjoy the, oftentimes longer than expected, journey as it unfolds. The one constant is that everyone, young, older, male or female, brings their own attitude and approach to dating in cyber-space with ever varied results.

One of the things that has really stood out for both of us is that many more women than men have submitted. Well, actually the number of female contributors part makes perfect sense. We women do tend to talk and share more, don’t we? No, what has struck both of us is that the majority of men who’ve submitted stories have sent us tales of how they met their girlfriends, wives and significant others. Interesting.

Not long ago I met an online match for dinner. As it turns out I was one of the first women he’d met from this particular site. It was one of those meetings where you both realize immediately that this will be a pleasant dinner and conversation…but not more. He hadn’t dated at all in quite a few years and was having some trouble adjusting to the process of online dating. So I shared some of my observations and experiences with him, gave him some pointers on keeping his sense of humor high and expectations realistic…and…I told him about the LifeBytes project. Now, I don’t as a general rule discuss the project with men I meet online. Truth is, that’s not why I’m dating online, I want to meet a long term match and the book is an entirely different thing. But this sweet man seemed like he needed to hear that many others were sharing his culture shock and…yes…were meeting the loves of their lives too. I didn’t go into story specifics but shared some general observations that Mariann and I have developed regarding the project as a whole. I mentioned that the men submitting were telling us their love stories. As he heard this he nodded his head slightly and a faint smile played across is face.

“That’s because we always want things to work out.” He smiled again and I thought, they do?

So, in the end, I was the one who learned something new, and now I’m curious about whether or not this is generally how most men think. Come on guys…tell us if this is true for you. Are you really all just mushy romantics deep down? Is there a chewy nougat center under the strong hunter-gatherer exterior? I sure I’m not the only one wondering about this. It’s OK, you can share your thoughts on this with us…we won’t tell…well actually we will…but we’ll only tell our very best girlfriends…;)



  1. […] seem to want only to share their love stories. Interesting. I was describing this phenomenon to a male acquaintance and he just shook his head and said, “that’s because we always want it to work […]

  2. […] wish usually to share their adore stories. Interesting. we was describing this materialisation to a male acquaintance and he only shook his conduct and said, “that’s since we always wish it to work out.” Awww, […]

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