I dated an online match a while back for about a month, three or four dates that’s it. Nice guy, educated and polite with a really great smile and sense of humor. I dumped him. Why? Well, in those first getting-to-know-you conversations, a theme became painfully apparent to me. A theme that I knew, unless we were instantly killed by a falling meteor as we exited the restaurant we’d just had dinner at, I would be woven into at some point in his life.
According to this man all the women in his life, from his ex-wife to every female that he’d ever dated, was, in his words – “Crazy”. His Ex was crazy because she just wanted to shop all day, every day. His last girlfriend was crazy because she was an animal-rights activist and would scold him every time he ate meat. Previous girlfriends were crazy because “she was too into her job”, “wore really weird hats all the time”, “was obsessed with her pez-dispenser collection”… and the list went on. I started to wonder what about me would become “crazy” to my new friend “Mr. Freud”. I broke off the relationship while I still had some semblance of sanity about me.
This happened back a few years and I’d really almost forgotten about it until about a week ago. I was having dinner with some girlfriends and we arrived at the are-you-dating-anyone-interesting portion of the evening. One of my friends shared a story of a not so great internet date, ending with the comment that the guy was really crazy.
“They’re all crazy,” added another friend.
“Yes”, chimed in yet another friend, “they’re are no normal men left at all!”
The conversation turned with a vengeance to the subject of “crazy” dates. It seemed that every man was just plain crazy. I started wondering if single men think all women are off their rockers. They probably do since, honestly, everyone is crazy…at least a little bit.
We all have our little quirks and peccadilloes and to some people these little oddities that we embrace in our lives most assuredly seem totally, full-throttle out and out bonkers. I’m sure there are men out there who think that my undying love for theater is just a bit too far out on the loony scale for them. And it probably is…besides passing up almost any other activity for a night out at a live theatrical production, I perform in local theater. I work my 9 to 5 job all day and head out to the theater at night for rehearsals. A few days before a new show that I’m in opens I’m sure I look like a vampire from the lack of sleep…and I do this for “fun and relaxation”. Crazy? Of course it is, at least it is to someone who doesn’t share my little obsession. To a fellow “Theater Person” however, I’m perfectly normal, maybe even more so than all the poor souls out there who don’t share our love for live performance. The same can be said for the avid golfer who never misses a tee-time, the collector of rare books, whose home is filled to the rafters with musty old volumes or the Star Wars fan who can quote lines from every S.W. movie ever produced and goes to ComicCon dressed as Darth Vader. Crazy….completely and totally, to everyone except those who share or at least understand these strange quirks of ours.
So really one person’s crazy is just another person’s perfect. It’s a matter of perspective and, instead of complaining about all the nuts that you meet out there, maybe it would be a more productive and successful dating world if you accepted that we’re all dysfunctional in some way. Then you can chuckle and move on from those who are not at the same end of the crazy scale as you are. Because eventually you will meet that guy/gal who is just as addicted as you are to playing World of Warcraft or collecting vintage egg cups or…
I say, let’s just embrace and love our wack-a-doo little selves for the unique people we really are. Eventually we’ll find the Olivier for our Streep or the Princess Leia for our Han Solo, and we’ll find that they, and we, are not really so crazy after all – just crazy for each other.