Posted by: Shar & Mare | January 31, 2010

The “Weight” of Dating

As soon as I lose 10 pounds and can fit back into my skinny jeans, I will go back on the dating site and look for someone.” How many of us have said that to ourselves or friends?

How important is weight when it comes to dating? It seems women are more forgiving towards a man with weight than men are with women who have a “few extra pounds.”

The bottom line is … looks are important. But, so is the soul and character underneath. Physical attraction is what differentiates a boyfriend or girlfriend from just being a friend.

My mother used to say that “packaging” was important. But, it was not everything and that your shared values and what you have in common is most important. But, we each have a responsibility to look our best.

I have been out with some men who are so cute, you can’t take your eyes off of them. But, after a boring conversation or finding we have little in common … I lose interest and they become less cute. And, there have been times when I met a man and there was no initial chemistry but as I got to know their personality and values, I found them exceptionally attractive. But, if I did not allow the time to get to know them, I would not have seen that.

When we say looks are important, we don’t mean someone has to be a size 2 or a guy has to be built like a body builder and both of them looked like they stepped out of a Neiman Marcus catalogue. Sometimes it is a smile, a look in their eye, or the way they carry themselves.

Is weight important? Yes and No. It is a problem when the weight causes you frustration … sucks away your personality … inhibits you being your true self … or risks your health.

I have been out with men who have a wry smile that is dazzling, but have more weight on them than I would like … but if the chemistry and bond is there, it is of little concern.

Likewise, I have been on dates when I have not been at an optimal weight and I wonder, “doesn’t my weight make me less attractive to them … why do they like me?” I realize they see a 3 dimensional person who is fun and intelligent. But, in a wierd way, I almost get annoyed at them for accepting me with my extra weight. (therapist please!! lol)

At the end of the day, I think 4 things prevail:
a. We need to be the best people we can be as it relates to health and self development.
b. Looks have a preliminary importance in sparking an attraction that makes you want to date someone but there needs to be substance.
c. That who the person is on the inside is more important and we owe it to ourselves and the people we meet to allow time to look past the shallow veneer of looks and see what kind of treasure lies within that person because attraction and chemistry can develop.
d. A persons character is not fleeting as looks can be — so give people a chance and give them the kind of respect and chance you hope people allow you.

Weight can be lost and gained.

Chivalry, consideration, thoughtfulness, heart, a sense of charity, kindness, humor goodness and appreciation of family and what we have in our lives are not so easy to gain.

So, before you are so hard on yourself or with others, embrace all the other wonderful things you bring to the table and how lucky someone is to know you. And how lucky you are to have an opportunity to meet and get to know a wonderful person.

Give chemistry and attraction some time to see what develops. And, if that physical chemistry is a forceful magnet, be sure to look beneath the surface at the character within.

I gained weight since my mom’s passing last year. I am now on a diet and losing weight. And, it feels great. I feel healthier and happier about myself. I am not doing it be more attractive. I am not doing it so I can go on some dating site. I am doing it for me … and hopefully that is what someone will find attractive … Just me … in whatever form that takes on both the inside and outside of who I am.

Please take our Poll.

Thanks for listening …



  1. […] Weight is such a sensitive topic.  It is for me. I have struggled over the years with over indulgence. I cycle through looking good to having to lose 20 pounds. And, when you have to lose weight, it can really affect your attitude about dating, wanting to date and how you act when you are on a date. […]

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