This week we have a guest post by our friend, relationship expert Maryanne Comaroto!
Have you ever met someone for the first time, and within a few seconds of meeting them, you got a gut feeling about them and felt your body either opening up to them, or closing off? That “belly brain,” or intuition, is a powerful information filtering system that uses your senses to make judgements about new people and new situations. It measures all kinds of data, and tunes you in to everything you need to know about a person. It can tell you if this person is dangerous or safe, angry or kind, aggressive or shy. It measures things like a person’s walk, their conversation style, their body language, and their movements in order to make assessments. It all happens very quickly – if you are paying attention, you can know within about 30 seconds whether you are in a good or bad situation, and whether you should continue or get the heck out of there. The body makes this judgement call based on empirical data, and it never lies about its findings.
However, within milliseconds the information then gets passed on to the brain, where it undergoes a second, less accurate filtering process. This time around, the incoming data from the other person gets compared to your brain’s internal database of past experiences. You have a huge amount of information in your mind regarding speech patterns, behavior recognition, common references, and a whole host of other ways in which you can categorize this new person. Once the brain finds some labels to stick on this person based on your historical data, your body will respond by expanding or contracting. This is where we can start to have problems, because the brain is not always as honest or accurate as the intuition when it comes to making an assessment.
Our brains are not only full of past experiences, but also with learned and acquired beliefs that have built up over time into knee-jerk defense mechanisms that work like safety barriers to try to protect us. Men who drive up in an old, rusty car are losers; women with bleached hair and fake boobs are uneducated and shallow; men in Italian suits are successful and ambitious; quiet women who wear glasses are intelligent and trustworthy. While this second phase of filtering can provide you with some useful information, it can also be misleading, particularly if the true intuition disagrees with the assessment, and the brain chooses to override the intuition regardless.
You might think it silly that the brain’s fallible decision-making process would override the intuition’s flawless one, but it happens all the time. Think back to your last breakup. Can’t you look back now and say, “well yeah, I kind of knew in my gut that things weren’t right, even when we were still together”? That’s your intuition at work. The belly brain always knows. But your mind, in an effort to avoid pain in the short term, overrides the intuition and tells you what it wants you to hear, whatever will smooth things over so that it doesn’t have to feel pain right at this moment. In order to get past this tendency to believe the brain over the belly, you have to relearn how not to rely solely on the brain’s second-hand information. I’m sure you can think of many instances when you brain has told you things that have ultimately led to heartache, when your intuition had been right all along, but you just didn’t listen. As it turns out, the brain is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. Your intuition needs to be in the driving seat with the brain riding shotgun, not the other way around.
So why do we so often get it wrong, and let our flawless intuition be bullied by the rationalizations of our brains? This, my darlings, is the cry of the divine feminine, and this is why it is so essential that we wake up and find this larger universal truth within each one of us! So much writing has been devoted to explaining the death of intuition, but for now I’ll just say that we will continue to make harmful decisions until we learn to wake up and pay attention to it.
If you sit and look back at all your old body-versus-brain situations, you’ll quickly see who is smarter. Next week in Part Two, we’ll talk about how to reconnect with the belly brain, and how to recover the ability to be heart-smart!
Maryanne will be teaching a live video webinar on how to “inner-view” potential dates or mates BEFORE you agree to a date or relationship. She’ll be featuring a very eligible bachelor and showing participants the best questions to ask and how to respond, live, on the fly, in real time! Sign up here: http://bit.ly/cvsc90