Posted by: Shar & Mare | October 18, 2010

How Old Are You?…Twelve??!!

My online dating profile on Match is specific…very specific about certain things. Not the least of which is that I don’t look at Winks. Winks allow the user to look at a profile and then simply click a button to let that person know they’re interested, no arranging of English words or knowledge of grammar needed. I prefer emails.

Aside from wanting to know upfront if a man can construct a decent sentence, with capitals, commas, pretty words and all those other yummy things that make prose so seductive to me, I want to know that he read my profile. You see, a wink could mean that he just thought the photo was cute and…what the hay….all’s you gotta do is click and run. Did he READ my profile? Who knows.

And yet…they Wink on.

Some men even use emails as if this were just a somewhat more complicated Winking system. I sometimes get messages like this: “Hi”. Once I got an email with nothing written in it, or maybe it was just written in invisible Binary Code…who knows. So when I got the email from….let’s just call him “Silent Bob” that simply stated “Hello”, I ignored it.

The next day I found another email from Silent Bob. Great I thought, he got the message and now I have captured a real live sentence or two. It stated “How are you?”. I almost smashed down the delete button but, deciding to use this as a teaching moment, I instead wrote, “Thanks for writing, maybe you could tell me a bit about yourself”. I went on to add a few pieces of info about myself that I thought might help him along in getting his keyboard unstuck. I got this in return:

“I live in Hoboken and I work in the city. I have two kids who don’t live with me. Can I call you?”

Now, let me just say, I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt on these online dating sites. I think sometimes that we online daters get a bit too jaded and make assumptions about someone being an A-hole when they’re just being awkward or need to be coaxed.

Of course sometimes those assumptions are right on the money.

I thought perhaps that Silent Bob might be a talker, not a typer. So I sent him my cell phone number with a note to call me. Later that evening I got a text: Hi, how are you? from a number I didn’t recognize. Half an hour later I got: What are you doing?, same number…now it was a bit creepy. I actually spent $1.99 for a phone number lookup service to tell me where this was coming from. It was…yup, Silent Bob.

It was no longer creepy, now it was just pissing me off. I love to text, I get unlimited texting on my phone, how could I not love it. But, c’mon…he’d barely written twenty words to me, we hadn’t met yet. Call me crazy but I think a good motto for online daters is – Talk first, text later.

The next night I got two more texts: How are you doing? and What are you up to? I considered texting back a tirade on the importance of human speech and vocal communication but my Evil Twin self convinced me to ignore the texts, just to see how long it would take for him to get the message.

The texting stopped but, the following week, I got an email in my online in-box from Silent Bob…it said….

“How are you?”….SIGH

So, the advice of the day is: when you meet someone online and they send you a phone number with an invitation to CALL them. Then that’s what you should do,




  1. I totally agree! I have yet to try online dating (although as a busy girl in NYC, who meets mostly jerks at bars, I will eventually give it a try).

    I did have a texting experience with a guy I dated that drove me nuts (and maybe you can relate to). We were dating for almost 4 months, and he would only CALL if he was running late or to ask what the address was. He never called to see how my day was or ask about my weekend in the Hamptons with the girls. He ONLY texted. At 29 years old, a man should have better social skills with the girl he is dating, right??

  2. YES…that’s just it it’s “social skills” that appear to be lacking with All Text All The Time. Hmmm, I wonder if there’s a Miss Manners book on text etiquette…LOL I’ll have to research that a bit.

  3. I hate talking. Hate it. If a guy tries to call me, and there’s no emergency, he’s gone. But I won’t give out my number. What’s the point when he can keep emailing the same thing and not waste my text messages.

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