Posted by: Shar & Mare | October 27, 2010

Q & A Wednesday


QUESTION:
How many times or how long should I email someone until we meet?

Sharon:
I think it’s always better to meet as soon as possible. My M.O. is two emails…and then I want a phone number (or I’m tossing mine out there). Online dating is always about chemistry. Yes it is, don’t argue with me. Do you really want to email for a month or two with someone only to FINALLY meet and find out that the mere thought of locking lips with them is making you sicker than you were in High School when you drank that quart of Thunderbird in the parking lot at the Junior Prom?

Mariann:
I disagree with Sharon. SURPRISE!! I like to develop some bond via email and like to know that a man has some personality, can write a full grammatically correct sentence and does not mind taking the time to exchange info. I personally like to email for 2-4 weeks and then meet. But, I travel a lot and time logistics can be challenging. Sometimes, if all someone can give me is a 1 sentence response, it turns me off. If you email for too long you could find yourself too emotionally connected only to meet and find the physical component is not there and then you have set yourself up for a major disappointment, which can make you cynical about online dating. If all someone wants to do is email and puts off meeting … then move on. I think 2+ weeks and about 5-6 email exchanges gives you some insight as to whether you even want to meet this person. The looks could be there, but if they are not very communicative, then that can be whole other set of problems.

Sharon
Yes…you’ll need an Excel spreadsheet to follow Mariann’s “how many emails” advice…LOL. Bottom line here darlin’ – go with your instincts. If you email and sense that you may have a great connection, then by all means set up a quick coffee date for some face-time conversation. If you’re not sure…email a bit longer before you decide. Remember, you ARE in the driver’s seat!

QUESTION:
Was out with some of my girlfriends at a girl bar in the Village in NYC and there was this cute girl at the bar. It hit me that I met her online a year ago. We had one date and she said she would call. She didn’t. After about 2 hours, this girl approached me and flirtily asked for my number. It was obvious she did not recognize me. She left a message to go out and I have to call her back … should I let her know we met before on line?

Mariann:
This is a tough one. Did you really like her? Do you sense she is a player? This actually happened to me. I met a guy for a date 2 years apart. OK, this happened twice. One guy did recognize me. The other did not. I say, give her a call and a chance. She may be in a different place. She could regret not calling you and this is her way around that, or, she could truly be having a “Blond Moment.” Go out. Have fun. Be cautious. If she does not call or plays games, move on. If it works out, then you might find yourself telling her you met before and sharing a good laugh over it. Either way, you can’t lose. Go for it.

Sharon:
The reason that Mariann had two (count em’ TWO) similar experiences is because she is even blonder than I am and more forgetful than my Grandma Tootsie..:). Sure, call her back and go out with her. Personally I wouldn’t mention the previous meeting over the phone, I’d go out with her and maybe throw a few flirty hints her way to see if you can spark a total recall moment…what can I say “evil” Sharon likes to play once in a while. She’ll either remember and you’ll both laugh about it (or -worst case scenario – run screaming out the door) or she won’t remember you at all and then you have my permission to dump the dish of guacamole in her lap for not recalling you for the magnificent babe that you surely are.

Mariann:
Yes, I am blonder than Sharon …. And smarter. And who is Grandma Tootsie anyway? When someone is in a social or business environment where they meet so many people – they can be prone to not remember everyone. I can’t imagine someone not having a “I think I met you before” moment. If this person seems genuinely interested and you like her – go for it. Be watchful – this could just be a warning sign that she uses people or is a player. When you meet or get to know her – you will know and can act accordingly. Let us know how it goes.

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