In a letter to a friend, our guest blogger, Nikki Petty, shares her thoughts with a friend as her friend embarks on a new relationship where they are spending a lot of time together:
Isn’t it ironic the same feeling a new relationship gives you, no matter if this is your first or 7th or even 23rd time with our “better” halves as they like to hear us say. Relationship with boys, whether they end up going somewhere or not, always “demand” our full attention. It’s what gives you the butterflies and ridiculous smiles and racing heartbeats. You would think these feelings should be predictable and regenerated easily, but every time is different and more exciting it seems.
All that said, in a new relationship like this you can’t spend too much time together in the beginning with someone you’ve only just met in life. Just remember your motives – we tend to lose sight of them because we’re glazed over with fairy tale romances we’ve already written in our heads and hearts with boys; especially one that we see being a potential long term relationship. Please hear me, do not rush into a relationship with him. What is meant to be will be – yes, cliche, but it is one of the greatest lines of comfort in an uncertain time that will ever be.
Let it happen naturally – I’m not saying that this isn’t already happening because it sounds as though he is pursuing you which is the only way it should be. It’s what we dream of as little girls and desire as women, to be captivated and pursued by a man. But, be in his presence as a friend, continuing on to becoming better friends and exploring day-to-day life with him first as a good friend. Once you turn down the road of romance with him, the friendship takes a different turn and the possibility of this road being a dead end is very high if things do not work out. Even though you will continue to develop as friends while pursuing a romance, because I believe that goes hand in hand with an intimate relationship, you are however sacrificing getting to know so many parts of him and his heart from a friend’s standpoint. This is crucial in making a future romantic, life long relationship not only work, but to be completely fulfilling and natural. Always remember that it should be simple and a part of you should feel complete — a part of your soul you’ve been longing to find and grab hold of.
It’s funny that the words easy or effortless haven’t been use – if I only had a 10-step process on how to make life and loving boys easy or effortless. Remember, you are tackling a different breed who processes emotions and feelings different than we do. Life is tough, trying, overwhelming and I could go on, but remember something I said earlier about a crucial piece of a relationship – it should come naturally. Everything about it from your talks, interest and differences, dislikes and likes, and most importantly your love and how you love one another. You’re not there yet with that four letter word, BUT every moment leading to that ultimate emotion should feel and come very natural and as though you are putting together the pieces of a puzzle, correctly!
I say all of this about spending time together because I’ve been there, you have too. It’s so very easy to want to go to him, see him, wait for him, settle for him, pursue him before he pursues you and then justify to ourselves why we initiated something the man should have. Always let him pursue you. Even though we may do a better job planning or taking care of something, it’s what they as men were created to do and they have to figure that out on their own. It’s the key component to the fairytale prince we’ve perfected in our hearts.
Remember this too, guys a very simple and to-the-point. Things that you have already processed and felt emotionally, I guarantee you that he’s not there yet. This is probably some of the best advice I’ve taught myself through example and my past relationships – and now I feel as though I hold some magical key. Time to time I have to remind myself of this breath of fresh air but once I do, the problem at hand seems so much lighter and I don’t seem so paranoid.
This is an exciting time for you! Remember, your past has made you who you are today and is a mere memory, not something to be constantly reminded of. Think of how seasoned you are and what you’re bringing to the table this time. Breathe, relax, and enjoy this journey my friend. And those butterflies that you get when you’re in his presence – when you let things happen naturally, they never go away! Each time you see him it’s like the first date, the first kiss and the first time you say I love you.