Posted by: Shar & Mare | November 22, 2010

Dating Lessons I Never Realized I Needed To Know

Dating is a learning process...a really weird one.I’ve been dating online for quite a few years. How many? Well…in dog years…I should be dead by now. OK, maybe not dead but certainly crippled and incontinent.

In that time I’ve read about a hundred thousand profiles and had a few hundred “first dates”. I’ve been contacted by a foot fetishist, a few married men (YES…YOU…I know that you are married), recovering alcoholics, 60 year olds who keep insisting that they’re only 45, assorted guys who were nice but…Beh…just didn’t do it for me. I’ve also met guys who I thought were nice but….also Beh, I just didn’t do it for them. And I met a guy who I had a long-term relationship with.

In that time kids, I learned a few things. I learned:

When a man starts his online profile insisting that he wants to be “friends first” and then goes on to describe how he wants to hear you scream his name in bed – he’s either looking for a Friend-With-Benefits or he’s planning on giving you nightmares from now till kingdom come…most likely a combination of the above.

It seems that many men over forty spend all their time playing tennis, soccer, ice hockey, basketball and racquetball. They also hike, run and scuba dive….AND they still have time to make a six figure income (even though they are partially retired). I find this amazing. Apparently, aging bodies that are prone to aches, pains and exhaustion; AND the crippled American economy are all myths, perpetrated by the media to keep us single gals from discovering these wealthy supermen.

When a man writes in his profile IN ALL CAPS…that you must be a POLITICAL CONSERVATIVE from a GOOD FAMILY in order for him to date you, and then proceeds to email you – a self-confessed middle-of-the road liberal with a nutty yet adorable family – repeatedly, it means that he did not actually read your profile and is just fantasizing great sex with you based solely on your (apparently sexier than you realized!) profile photo.

Ditto, the guys who “wink”, send “ice-breakers” or other one-click shortcuts, they have probably not read your oh-so-carefully crafted profile. Mine specifically – in English – states that I don’t even look at who’s winked, etc. at me. I would like an email please. I still get winked, iced, poked, and nudged….stop it guys, I’m black and blue already!!

I’ve learned that no matter how old they get men never seem to understand this basic, primal fact about women – we talk to one another…a lot. I have a girlfriend who is my age, same “type” too, so we’ve been contacted by quite a few of the same men. And OH YES we discuss you guys. We know that you’ve cut, pasted and sent us the same canned email and we catch you in the little white lies that seem to vary, depending on which gal you’re chatting up. Be wary guys, very wary.

I’ve also learned what happens when you meet a guy…that guy, the one who sparks that elusive chemistry. You meet. You start talking. You realize after a time that there are no flags, red or otherwise colored, flapping in the periphery of your mental vision. You are enjoying yourself! You’re noticing his smile, eyes, dimples…and you’re smiling. Even better…you’re both smiling. You’ve just met the guy who’s made you understand why all the others had never worked out. How cool is that?

So, what dating lessons have you learned? Have you met that guy or gal yet?




  1. I really enjoyed this post. I shared it in my fb group (it’s about dating in the Jewish scene).

  2. Glad you enjoyed the post Deena…and thanks so much for sharing with your group!

  3. I’ve learned to just not date. I’ve learned that ‘seperated’ means she’s either in another room or out running errands. When they say no drama, they bring more drama than anyone could imagine and they thrive on it. Self employeed means they beg people to mow lawns. Don’t date anyone who plays world of war craft. No really. Run far and fast. They won’t chase you, they’re too busy living in a fantasy world. If all their pictures have other women in them, they’re players.

    • Ha – love the ‘separated’ definition… may have to incorporate that into my profile 😉

  4. Oh my, do we women talk. When that first guy I finally met who made me think, “this is why the others didn’t work out” winked at my friend, I was devastated, then pissed, then jaded. His nickname is now winker among other things. There is also the guy who sent the same exact same e-mail to both of us. She responded and let him know we were on to him… he actually had a good sense of humor about it and said… “oh, you read each others’ emails… do you have any tips on good ones I could use?”

    • Wow, he was actually looking for advice on how to email?? That’s just too funny. Thanks for sharing that story!

      BTW, took a look at your blog. I like it alot.

  5. *waving to clicking frogs as we’re living/suffering the same dating life in different states* Yup, I met ‘that guy’. Too bad he turned out to be a word/mind playing kinda guy who, to this day, still e-mails me to let me know how he knew we had great chemistry but that the ‘timing was bad’ …… uh, unless he’s off to jail or about to be deported, what does that mean anyway?

    I always enjoy your postings!

    • Oh the old “timing was bad” excuse. Yup, heard that one too. Makes me think that guys have some Dating Wristwatch that they need to refer too…it always makes me laugh. My other favorite is “it’s not you it’s me”. I always want to scream “of course it’s YOU…YOU are walking away from the best thing that ever happened to you”…LOL

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