In that time I’ve read about a hundred thousand profiles and had a few hundred “first dates”. I’ve been contacted by a foot fetishist, a few married men (YES…YOU…I know that you are married), recovering alcoholics, 60 year olds who keep insisting that they’re only 45, assorted guys who were nice but…Beh…just didn’t do it for me. I’ve also met guys who I thought were nice but….also Beh, I just didn’t do it for them. And I met a guy who I had a long-term relationship with.
In that time kids, I learned a few things. I learned:
When a man starts his online profile insisting that he wants to be “friends first” and then goes on to describe how he wants to hear you scream his name in bed – he’s either looking for a Friend-With-Benefits or he’s planning on giving you nightmares from now till kingdom come…most likely a combination of the above.
It seems that many men over forty spend all their time playing tennis, soccer, ice hockey, basketball and racquetball. They also hike, run and scuba dive….AND they still have time to make a six figure income (even though they are partially retired). I find this amazing. Apparently, aging bodies that are prone to aches, pains and exhaustion; AND the crippled American economy are all myths, perpetrated by the media to keep us single gals from discovering these wealthy supermen.
When a man writes in his profile IN ALL CAPS…that you must be a POLITICAL CONSERVATIVE from a GOOD FAMILY in order for him to date you, and then proceeds to email you – a self-confessed middle-of-the road liberal with a nutty yet adorable family – repeatedly, it means that he did not actually read your profile and is just fantasizing great sex with you based solely on your (apparently sexier than you realized!) profile photo.
Ditto, the guys who “wink”, send “ice-breakers” or other one-click shortcuts, they have probably not read your oh-so-carefully crafted profile. Mine specifically – in English – states that I don’t even look at who’s winked, etc. at me. I would like an email please. I still get winked, iced, poked, and nudged….stop it guys, I’m black and blue already!!
I’ve learned that no matter how old they get men never seem to understand this basic, primal fact about women – we talk to one another…a lot. I have a girlfriend who is my age, same “type” too, so we’ve been contacted by quite a few of the same men. And OH YES we discuss you guys. We know that you’ve cut, pasted and sent us the same canned email and we catch you in the little white lies that seem to vary, depending on which gal you’re chatting up. Be wary guys, very wary.
I’ve also learned what happens when you meet a guy…that guy, the one who sparks that elusive chemistry. You meet. You start talking. You realize after a time that there are no flags, red or otherwise colored, flapping in the periphery of your mental vision. You are enjoying yourself! You’re noticing his smile, eyes, dimples…and you’re smiling. Even better…you’re both smiling. You’ve just met the guy who’s made you understand why all the others had never worked out. How cool is that?
So, what dating lessons have you learned? Have you met that guy or gal yet?