Posted by: Shar & Mare | January 12, 2011

Q & A: Her Friends Hate This Guy (or maybe just his shirt)


Question
Met a nice guy on eharmony. We hit it off instantly. Went out about 5 times and then we met up with a group of my friends one night and they all told me later that they did not like him. I don’t see it. Who should I listen to? Me or my friends? I was disappointed … I wanted them to like him as much as I do.

Sharon
Why didn’t they like him? Did you ask them? You like him and he’s apparently passed eHarmony’s endless loop of compatibility matching (how long did that test take you, 72 hours? Seems like that didn’t it?) Did they not like his looks? Was he making inappropriate or even worse, stupid comments? Did they think he wasn’t smart enough for you? Too smart? Not smartly dressed? Did he inadvertently squirt ketchup on someone and not apologize? Did one of your friends remember seeing his photo on the F.B.I.s Most Wanted list?

Seriously – you need to get some details from your friends. They may be seeing something in him that you’re missing. It may be something as silly as his habit of mixing plaids and florals (hey, bad fashion-sense is a deal breaker for lots of women), or it could be a serious character flaw like ogling the waitress when he should have been ogling you.

You are the one dating this guy, not your friends. They don’t have to like him as much as you do and that’s OK. As long as you are happy with him. But good friends will always see things that you, experiencing the blush of new lust (or love), may not.

Mariann
Who is dating this guy? You or your friends? You have to decide what is good for you. If you like him, then you need to make the final decision. But, do be mindful and do not ignore any red flags. Also, your friends love you and want you to be happy and may see things you don’t. Listen to them. Don’t be mad at them for being honest – you want friends to be honest as long as they are respectful in conveying how they feel. Be cautious and look out for the things they see. Then, make an evaluation. And, maybe they need to meet him again. Meeting someones friends for the first time can be stressful. And for those curious readers, Sharon’s last amore did mix plaids with florals and stripes! Just sayin ….

Sharon
Yes, but his underwear was perfectly matched…LOL. What can I say, like creativity in dress. Of course Mariann only dates guys who wear either black or grey Brooks Brothers suits…borrrring. She’s not giving up the goods on what color undies they sport though, so …..who knows.

Mariann
And Sharon … maybe they weren’t wearing underwear at all! Just sayin …

Sharon
;)…hmmmmm. New – and very special blogpost – coming from Mariann soon??

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Responses

  1. Like Sharon and Mariann, we like a guy with a sense of adventure (especially under his pants), but it would be important to know why your friends didn’t like him. If these are good friends that you love and trust, take any big red flags seriously. If they just didn’t really like him for a variety of superficial reasons, or if these friends don’t play a super-important role in your life, you should follow your heart.

    The question is, assuming these are close friends, and not your fellow “Real-Housewives” type friends, do you see enough potential for a long-term relationship with this guy, that you would risk alienating friendships that are important to you?

    The sad truth is, if you get into a serious relationship with a guy your friends hate, choosing him might mean saying goodbye to them in the long run. Not because your friends will dump you, (obviously true friends would never do that), but because you’ll slowly grow apart as they won’t want to get together with you and your man (whether they admit it or not, they won’t want to spend time with him and when they do, there will be some tension that over time can chip away at the best of friendships). In addition, their dislike of him will likely make everyone a bit awkward on the topic of your relationship at those SATC brunches for the girls (and really, that tends to be at least 70% of female conversation).

    Choosing him doesn’t absolutely mean losing them, but it is something you might want to think about and take some preventative action to avoid. So find out the details about why they didn’t like him and then make the decision you will be happy with in the long haul.

  2. […] go ahead and ask your friends opinion of your new amour. Ask them to be honest. But, be prepared to hear that honesty with love, acceptance and an open […]


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