Posted by: Shar & Mare | January 19, 2011

Q & A: Christmas All Year Long

How many gifts is TOO many?

I am dating this guy who seems like a real “catch.” He is very sweet. And maybe this is not really a problem … but on every date we have … he gives me a gift … flowers, CD, candy, charm for my bracelet. On one hand, it is great. On the other … it makes me uncomfortable. I am flattered and creeped out at the same time. Any suggestions

Can I have his number? Kidding. Talk about taking “don’t go to someone’s house empty handed” too far!?!? I don’t think it is creepy. I think this guy likes you and wants to impress you and flatter you. But, I understand how it can make you uncomfortable. You want to make sure he is not trying to “buy” you or expect something. And, if you are not giving him something, then it makes you feel awkward.

The best thing to do is be honest and get it out in the open. Tell him you like him, want to see him and appreciate his generosity and thoughtfullness, BUT, he does not need to bring you gifts and that it is making you a bit uncomfortable since you are not reciprocating.

I would underscore that HE is the gift. But, hey … a good bottle of champagne every once in a while is welcomed.

I would request Victoria’s Secret, jewelry and possibly a car. Okay, maybe the car is a bit much…but seriously…EVERY date? I dated a guy once who brought me an ice cream sundae everytime we went out. I had to tell him that, unless he wanted to date a VERY LARGE girl, he should stop doing that. He switched to flowers…that was better..:) As it did turn out though, he was very, very insecure about himself and the gifts were his way of “upping his value” in my eyes. Although I finally convinced him that turning my home into a florist’s shop wasn’t necessary…I really and truly did love him…sadly the insecurity never really went away, and that was what eventually broke us up.

So, do have a conversation with him about how awkward you feel over the constant shower of gifts. Let him know that you like him for himself and then suggest holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. as gift-giving time. Is your new BF using gifts to hide some self-esteem issues? You’ll need to dig a little deeper on this one and it may take more than one conversation to find that out. After all he may also just be a really giving person…in which case, keep that car in mind…LOL


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