I’ve been dating online for what seems like forever…couple of years actually. I had a lot of typical “two-date” relationships, met some creeps and some nice guys and then….I met this guy who I’m pretty sure is Mr. Right for me. I think he feels that way too. We’ve talked about how much we enjoy each other’s company and are basically exclusive, although we haven’t discussed our dating status with one another yet. Now here’s my dilemma – both of our profiles are still up on the dating site, although neither of us has been “active” in over three months. Should I take my profile off the site now? His is still up there. Should I ask him to take his off? Ask him why his is still up there? I know, I know, too many questions but I’m just not sure how to handle this!
First, congratulations for finding someone special! Gives us all hope. Now to your question – which really isn’t too many questions. It’s just one: Are you and he in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, or not?
You need to have a conversation with your man…now. It needs to be a two part talk. First the exclusive relationship thing, you need to see if you’re both headed down the same path in this. If you are now “going steady” as they used to say – you have to take the profiles down. And I mean DOWN…GONE…BYE BYE HEADSHOT.
Here’s the thing that frustrates a lot of us (me included) about online dating…it’s just so THERE. It’s so easy to hide a profile temporarily and then have it magically reappear when a relationship is even a tiny bit rocky. I met an online guy for coffee once and he was going on and on about how he never removes his profile, just hides it when he’s dating someone, and he did this during a four year relationship with a woman he was considering marrying! Seriously, if you’re both serious then you must WALK AWAY from the online sites. It becomes a crutch otherwise, an easy out that you can take rather than work at making a relationship work.
Online dating can be like champagne and chocolates … addictive and hard to rid your life of them. But, there is an addictive nature to dating online and always “keeping your options open” since someone new and wonderful and perfect might be 1 page of profiles away.
The fact is … if you have been dating exclusively for a while and both your profiles are up there … Shame on both of you! You both need to go your separate ways or communicate as to where your relationship is going and if you should both (not just one) take your profiles down. Sounds to me like this is bigger than just profiles still up on the website … this is a commitment and relationship issue that needs to be address … NOW.
Grab the bull by the horns (yes, symbolism intended) and decide where you and this relationship is going.
I think once two people decide it is exclusive and they are not going to date anyone else, then they should show their respect to the other person and take their profile down.