Met a guy on line and we are going out on Friday night. Meeting for drinks and then he said, “we can also do dinner if we both feel like it.” That’s fine, but I am very independent and don’t want to feel obligated to split a dinner if I am not “feeling it.” Any suggestions?
Going to dinner has nothing to do with being independent. It has to be about whether you enjoy your dates’ company and if you want to spend more time with them. A suggestion about staying for dinner can be stressful because if he does not ask then does it mean he is not interested? I would say that you have to be somewhere and can do drinks and if you like him … then go out again … perhaps for dinner. And, if he asks you to dinner and you accept then … he asked … please let him pay. Splitting the bill does not mean you are independent. Just accept the dinner … and at the end (but before the check arrives) … say, “Thank you so much for dinner. I enjoyed it.” And if you open your wallet, may lightening strike down and stop your hand from stupidity. Allow the man to court you. Let us know what you do.
You’re not obligated to do anything if you’re “not feeling it”. That said, I’m reading some underlying hesitancy in your question that I suspect has nothing to do with dinner. Perhaps you’re not sure if this guy is someone that you’d have fun with over the extended time of drinks and dinner? Most women, myself included, would leap at the chance to see a guy who I was very interested in…wouldn’t question the drinks and maybe dinner thing at all. Except maybe to stress over whether he was really into me and was using the “maybe” as an escape route. And remember, the maybe thing could be your escape route too….so go for drinks and if it leads to dinner – and you’re happy about that – then enjoy.
Since he did the inviting then in your case, I would certainly expect him to treat for the evening. I’m not as hard-nosed as Mariann is about things like who pays (I’ve met FAR too many men who said it was everything from sweet and charming to a total turn-on when a woman offered to pay), but as I said…his invite…his treat. If you hit it off and go out again you can always take the inviter/payer role the next time around.