Posted by: Shar & Mare | March 17, 2011

Q & A: Brokeback Mountain Secret?

I am a gay man. Only a couple of my friends know. People might speculate but I do not like to talk about my sexuality. I don’t want people knowing I am gay or defining me by my sexuality. The problem is … I am alone. I want to be in a relationship, but if I am, then everyone will know. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I don’t want to have to talk about my sexuality either.

If you are gay, and you can be honest with yourself, then you owe it to your friends to be honest with them as well. They may already know or suspect so I am sure the news will not be shocking. If your friends love you, they won’t care as they just want to see you happy.

I think you are not comfortable in being seen as gay. And, it does not have to define you unless you want it to. Your friendship, honesty, integrity and how you conduct your relationships define you … not who shares your bed.

Once you come clean to your friends, I think it will unburden you psychologically of those invisible chains that have prevented you from fully living your life and having love and a relationship in life. You deserve it. Now, just go out and do what you need to get it!

I agree with Mariann, you owe it to yourself to be true to who you are and honest about it too. Your true friends will still be your friends regardless of your sexual orientation. Truth is (I’m taking an educated guess here) most of your friends will probably not be surprised when you come out to them. They may even become closer friends because you were able to share a very private part of yourself with them. Your friends will also respect the fact that you are a very private person who doesn’t want to be defined by his orientation.

You deserve to be in a good, solid relationship and being honest with yourself and everyone around you is the first step on the path that will help you achieve this goal.



  1. There are so many things in life that we wish could remain private but they can’t or else we can’t live our lives normally.

    Something’s gotta give. Either you keep it secret forever and have no fighting chance to be truly happy or you put yourself out there, leave your comfort zone of keeping this more private, and start on a serious search for a relationship.

    At the same time, I do not think you need to tell anyone unless it serves a purpose. It’s not as if you need to tell people. You just need to live your life and through that people will learn the truth. Of course sometimes we choose to tell people things so we don’t have to deal with them learning the truth through seeing our actions. But you can decide about that. For sure don’t feel like, “I need to tell them the truth.” You just need to live the truth.

    • I agree Deena. Trying to live the truth!!! 🙂

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