Posted by: Shar & Mare | March 21, 2011

Profile Hide & Seek


It’s one thing to hide behind a profile, but another to hide a profile. I have recently been faced with contemplating hiding my profile. After meeting a nice person on line and going out for a few months, I looked up my new amoure on the dating site only to find his profile had been removed or hidden. OK, this scared me because I wondered why. Was he the type to just date people sequentially? Was he on line but just did not want me to see his profile and how long it had been since he logged on? Or, maybe he actually liked me.

My profile was still up there and I was not sure if or when I should follow suit. We have not used the “L” word (Love) with each other. Nor have we verbally agreed to be exclusive. So, I wondered if I should take a break or continue with my searches.

I was not actively seeking new matches. But, was not sure I wanted to remove or hide my profile just yet. Part of me wanted to leave the option open to look if I wanted to. And, yet when it came to it … I always found myself discounting every person on my search and smiling to myself knowing that I had already met a great person.

I have to wonder if I am a serial dater or that person who is always wondering what else is out there. Have I become that person I hate who doesn’t want to give up my single life completely and even though I am dating someone steadily – am still curious who is out there?

I do want a relationship and have not been on a date with another guy since shortly after I met the person I am dating now. I guess I like the feeling that it is my decision and not one I feel I have to make because the person I am dating has done so. And, yet, he has not asked me to hide my profile.

But, I have been playing the dating game a long time and have been on numerous dates and had many short term relationships. All the while, I kept saying I just wanted to meet a nice guy with some key traits and qualities. Well, I have … and I want to give it a real chance. So, I logged onto my account on the online dating site and hid my profile. Wow. That is a first for me. For now … it seems right.

I will keep you posted. Although, I may have to unhide it to help fuel some blog posts, but it won’t be for searches.

Let me know what you think? We love hearing from you.

Thanks
Mare

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Responses

  1. Good for you Mare. If you’re happy with who you’re with and have been going out for a while, I think it’s ‘right’ to hide your profile. We always complain about guys constantly looking for the ‘newest, bigger, better’ when online dating, so as you’re not actually interested in dating anyone else right now, it sounds like a good move.

    Congrats on finding a good one. I’ll keep good thoughts!

    • Thanks. And yes, I have been one of those people who complained when the guy did not hide his profile. Now that one did … it is interesting and flattering. It seems right … ya know?! Thanks for the good thoughts. Mare

  2. Very exciting to get to a point in the relationship where you actually want to be unavailable online for other guys to see you.

    But I don’t get all your worries about the guy you’re dating and his hidden profile. If you see that his profile is missing, why don’t you just ask him why (or did you?)? I’d think that is important information so that you can undeerstand the motives behind his actions.

    I also don’t understand how you could come to a decision about what you wanted to do with your profile when anything you know about the absence of his profile is just speculation.

    Or maybe you did talk to him about it and I misunderstood? 🙂

    • Yes, I am just speculating. But, after 5 months, I think I owe it to him to hide the profile and be all there for the relationship. I know what he would say if I asked. For me … to want to hide a profile is huge. Never did that before. I always joked that I would be checking my match.com the morning of my wedding day. LOL. LOL. LOL. OK, so I am exaggerating a bit. But, there is a psychological element here of me admitting I might really like this guy … since I can be somewhat of a commitment-phobe.

  3. You should follow your heart. If you are not interested in meeting anyone new now, regardless of how he feels, removing or hiding your profile seems like the thing to do. It can always be reversed, its not as if you are cutting of an arm or shackling yourself to this guy. Meeting someone interesting in rare. Cherish it and give it the chance it deserves.

    • Thanks Arlene. I agree. I am not overthinking it. I am just giving it a chance. I can always UN-hide my profile. This is the first time I have ever hidden my profile. I might like this guy more than I realize! 🙂


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