I don’t prowl around on dating sites everyday. My day job and working on LifeBytes, Real Stories of Online Dating keeps me too busy. YES…I KNOW, it’s hard to find time to date because I’m working on an anthology of ONLINE DATING STORIES…there’s an O’Henry short story in there somewhere.
Anyway, I try to hop onto Match.com or one of the other sites that I’m registered on about once a week and then I madly read through profile after profile (one of my girlfriends calls this my “testosterone shopping spree”) and send out an email or two to men who catch my eye.
Lately though I’ve noticed an alarming trend in men’s profiles. Posting the dreaded “Shirtless pix”, taken with a phone and out of focus. This trend in headshots is followed closely by photos of pets. I find it alarming that the dog and cat photos almost always have better composition and focus than the pix of their owners.
Am I supposed to find this lack of upper body clothing charming? Sexy? Appealing in any way? I don’t. So guys, here’s some profile pix advice: Keep Your Shirt ON! Yes, I’m sure you go to the gym and work out, we all do. I’m sure that despite your age (that you’ve lied about on your profile…it’s OK we all fudge a bit there) you are in splendid shape. I have no doubt that you are extremely proud of your biceps, triceps and any and all other -ceps in your musculature. But I don’t want your bare chest to be the first glimpse I have of you!
What I first want to see is: your smile, your eyes, and the cute way your eyes crinkle up when you smile. I want to see your face…in focus and not in a shot taken from ten feet away, six years ago at your nieces Bat-Mitzvah.
I don’t want to see your naked chest until we’ve: emailed, talked, met for coffee or a drink or dinner, have decided to date each other and then…on a special evening that preferably includes wine, roses and some well-placed candlelight…then and only then…should you shed the shirt. Easy, right? Look, we gals like the anticipation as much as you all do, maybe even more. It’s as simple as that.And about those pix of your dogs and cats: I like animals, truly I do, and I tend to gravitate towards men who are animal lovers. I think it says something about a man’s character when he can get all misty eyed over the beloved mutt he rescued from the pound. But honey…listen carefully here….I’m not interested in dating your cat, or your dog, or your goldfish. When I read your profile I want to hear about YOU, see YOU. If we hit it off I will meet your pets, and you will meet my cat. We will, if all goes well in our online dating game, eventually create a warm and very hairy blended family. Until then dudes, keep you shirts on and please curb your dogs.