Posted by: Shar & Mare | May 9, 2011

Do you forgive Cheating?

When is it cheating?OK. If one is married and they have an extra marital affair — that is cheating. But what if one is dating? Dating exclusively? Engaged?

I recently got into a discussion with the person I am dating about cheating. I personally would not be so forgiving. He said he might and made the point that until you are in the situation it is hard for you to know exactly what you would do.

He is right.

But what is cheating and when do you forgive it? Exclusive to me means you are not actively pursuing a relationship. But, if someone walks into your life who might be the more right one than you are dating — do you give it a shot?

Now, if one is engaged, you are making a committment to that person. But, I had an aunt who used to say, “Engagements can be broken.”

So, I think that if you are engaged or married and your mate steps out with someone else, then that is cheating.

This is a HOT button and I am amazed at how differently people respond or react to this question.

I am a person who falls very slowly. I don’t jump into the “I love you’s” quickly and I need a strong base of feeling and trust to consider someone a friend. But, when I do, if I make a committment to that person then for me it is deep and forever and my loyalty abounds. But, if that person steps out with another person, then that is a betrayal of the worst kind. A dis-respecting of my heart that someone who loves you does not do. And that, for me … I am now concluding … is cheating.

What do you think is cheating? Acceptable? And, most importantly … forgiveable?

I want to hear from you!



  1. For me it’s very simple.married. Engaged. Exclusive. You’ve made a commitment. If you can’t maintain that commitment then conclude that business first. Doing anything else is cheating.

  2. You are right. If you make the committment, then you should be honorable. But, the one difference is with marriage and the sanctity of marriage is that cheating = breaking a vow that you made before God and for the less religious, before a representative of the legal system. That to me is a whole level of committment above just dating or saying you are exclusive … and yes, even engagement. An engagement is not a binding agreement or vow under God or the legal system. And, to me, that is the biggest issue. Someone may get a broken heart with a broken relationship or engagement. But, with a broken marriage it has a whole level of legal layers and financial complexity that comes into play. But regardless, one should honor their committment and if they are drawn to another person, then they should not drag it out for the other person and make it even more painful. If you are going to cheat … move on! You are right. Take care of your business and then move on. For the record, I am not that forgiving and would not be if a spouse cheated on me. All respect and trust would be gone and thus the main elements of the foundation of a relationship. Those are, to be, the building blocks of love as well.

  3. Cheating. By definition, if you are exclusive then you are pursuing each other to the exclusion of all others. I just don’t understand cheating. If somebody walks into your life and you think it is “the one” (and have no idea of the transitory nature of such things) then end the previous relationship before you want to pursue the other. I don’t believe this can happen so easily (being swayed away from the person you are currently committed to) unless you have unresolved problems and issues you aren’t addressing.

  4. If you are exclusive and have agreed on that, it is cheating. Before that step, though, honesty is the best policy. “I am seeing other people.” And if anyone is seeing other people, then they shouldn’t be having sex with them. Period. No sex until exclusivity or monogamy.

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