Posted by: Shar & Mare | June 13, 2011

How well do you know who you are Dating?

You meet. You connect. You start dating. You start trusting. Your lives start to meld together and you think you know the person you are dating. But, really … how well do you know this person?

Have you met their family? How do they interact? Have you met their friends? Have you heard any family stories?

Everything seems perfect, so why would you doubt what this person tells you? Why would you see flags? You don’t, you are falling in love (or at least deep like) and you don’t see red flags. Or, maybe you don’t want to see red flags.

If you see a life with this person, does it occur to you to do a background check? Then, you wonder if you are being paranoid and certainly that is not necessary.

When I was in my mid 30’s, I went out with a very nice man who was 50. He was attractive and intelligent … and realistic. We went out a few times and although it did not work out, I think he gave me some very valuable advice. He told me that every woman over the age of 30 should do a complete background check on the guy they are dating if they feel it could get serious. I laughed and thought he was joking. He was not.

He said you can’t believe everyone and that it is always safe to protect yourself and make sure you match up what people tell you with what is.

A couple of years later, a cousin met someone and married after 6-9 months of dating. They were older and felt they knew who they were and what they wanted. They thought they knew each other. Well, it turns out she did not know him as well as she should have. He had not seen his family for 10 years until he brought my cousin around. And, he was schizophrenic and not only did not tell her, but went off his medicine before the wedding so by the time the honeymoon came, it was not what a honeymoon should be.

The words my brief friend voiced rang truer than ever. And, it is not about distrust or not loving someone, but it is about protecting yourself. And, you have to do that.

What do you think? Is one being paranoid or should one be careful and cautious and make sure they are protected?

I want to hear what you have to say. Please let us know!



  1. […] read an interesting blog today, How Well Do You Know Who You Are Dating?, that made me stop and think…just how well DID I know some of the men in my life in the past […]

  2. Here’s a funny story…

    A male friend of mine was in a bar the other night. He met a woman who worked for a law firm. She told him that she did all kinds of background checks of the men she dated before the first date.

    And then she went home with my friend and had sex with him. Because, like, she’s really super cautious.

    I think a lot of women get a false sense of security from the idea that Google or Facebook or any sort of background check will lower the chances that they’ll be mislead. As if everybody who does something morally or ethically wrong somehow gets caught.

    • Wow…maybe your friend doesn’t consider a bar pick up a first date…LOL.

      Good point though about background checks not catching everything. Just goes to show you that we can’t let our “street smarts” diminish with every click of the mouse. Our own instincts are the first line of caution!

  3. I don’t date online. But I always “google” my dates – even if I’ve known them forever. And I wouldn’t hesitate to do a background check on someone I don’t know. And would probably grill the person putting us together. Have heard too many of the “freak” stories like the one you told in this post. Yikes!

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