Posted by: Shar & Mare | July 18, 2011

Does “Finding Love” Have An Expiration Date?


Does dating have an expiration date?Conversation with my girlfriend M. (who is NOT dating online, and never has dated online):

M: Do you really meet anyone worth dating online?

Sharon: Sure, lots of “one-date-wonders” but it’s possible to find a mate online. You just need to be patient and have a sense of humor.

M: Hmmm, I don’t know…sounds like it would be hard to find someone worthwhile online.

Sharon: I know it works. My niece met her husband on eHarmony.

M: Really?? How old is she?

Sharon: 25

M: OH WELL…there you go, 25. It’s easy to find someone in your twenties. (M rolls her eyes as if to add…no more to say here, argument won)

Seriously??? What..you hit three-oh and you’re past your “freshness date”? So basically my otherwise insanely intelligent GF thinks that because we are no longer twenty-five but blah-blah-five that we’ve passed our window of opportunity? Let me answer that with a resounding NO.

Yes, I’ll admit it does get harder as you collect more birthdays. Personally I’m not so sure that it’s always an age issue. I think as we get older we gain a sharper perspective on who we are and what we want out of life and therefore a sharper idea of the type of person who we would want to spend our lives with. Let’s face it…in our twenties we were puppies, still growing into our lives and personalities, unformed in so many ways. Yes, much easier to find a fellow “pup” on the same journey of self-discovery. My parents were married when my Mom was 21 and my Dad 25. Mom always said that her and Dad “grew up together” in their marriage. So you do lose the opportunity to “grow up” with a new love when you’re older. What you don’t lose is the opportunity to find someone to grow older with. I think that’s what many singles lose sight of when they’re searching online. I think that’s why we perceive the search as harder or, to some – impossible.

Which, I think, leads to the “fudging” or sometimes out and out lying about age on profiles. I’ve heard from so many singles, both through dating and through LifeBytes, about how aggravating it is when someone lops ten years off their age or…worse…when someone posts a ten year old pix of themselves. And yet, this seems to be becoming more and more accepted online.

I often see men who state that they only want to meet women who are, at the very least, 10 – 15 years younger than them. It makes me want to reach into the computer screen, slap them silly and scream…”are you CRAZY??…they won’t make you YOUNGER…being with them will make you LOOK OLDER…and you won’t even like the same MUSIC!!”.

In all honesty, I have met many men who are truly interested in “age appropriate” connections and who post recent pix of themselves …and who are honest about their own ages. They are out there. Your challenge is to find them.

How? I think it’s by being honest about yourself and who you are, and who you are looking for. You see, the good part about being older is this: You are capable of writing a profile that describes the person you have evolved into. You are capable of describing your ideal match to delicious perfection. And I don’t mean as in “likes kayaking” or “enjoys a good steak dinner”. You can describe the seasoned, evolved man/woman whom you are seeking. You can describe the heart and soul of your ideal match and not just the outward trappings. Some may call this being too picky. I just describe as being focused, true and sure.

Yeah, it’ll take longer to find someone this way…because you’re not willing to settle for less than who you are. But you will find someone. And when you do, it will make the journey sweet and the destination sweeter.

Happy Dating,
Sharon

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Responses

  1. Great post Sharon. Couldn’t agree more with everything that you wrote (although my patience is wearing VERY thin) 😉

    • Mine does too sometimes! I just keep reminding myself that its a process….and it also gives me lots of crazy stories to share along the way!

  2. I met the love of my life online at age 49. We married at 50 and yes, we just happen to be living happily ever after. First you have to work on yourself so that when you meet Mr. Right you are also Ms. Right. Check out my new book: How To Believe In Love Again to learn how that happens. If you don’t believe in love it certainly will not happen! – Laura Lee

  3. “Let’s face it…in our twenties we were puppies, still growing into our lives and personalities, unformed in so many ways. Yes, much easier to find a fellow “pup” on the same journey of self-discovery. My parents were married when my Mom was 21 and my Dad 25. Mom always said that her and Dad “grew up together” in their marriage. So you do lose the opportunity to “grow up” with a new love when you’re older.”

    Thank you so much for this! This is the first time someone has really explained why dating get harder as you age. It’s because you know yourself better and aren’t as willing to repeat old mistakes and behavior. Awesome!

  4. Yes, I found the love of my life at age 49 through Match.com and I certainly didn’t settle this time!
    Read more about it over at MidlifeCrisisQueen.com under “Falling in Love at 49.” Love IS Lovelier the second time around!

  5. […] losers. I’ve sometimes found myself wondering if I haven’t become a loser myself. Am I past my “freshness date”? Am I doomed to be the crazy lady who lives with four thousand cats because she never found her soul […]


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