Posted by: Shar & Mare | August 8, 2011

Man Up & Get Off The Fence Honey!

I met someone on about two months ago. His head shot was so-so, not bad, not great. His profile write-up was really nice though. He seemed happy and energetic and sincere, very sincere. These are things I look for when I’m surfing through the online dating pool. I wrote, he wrote back, we spoke on the phone, we made plans to meet at a local Panera’s.

The date went well, I thought. No fireworks but a nice friendly connection. He brought pictures of his family, saying that he liked to show dates a bit about himself and his life, but that he wasn’t comfortable posting them online. Smart and thoughtful. This was a good thing.

We ended the date with a friendly kiss on cheeks and an exchange of “real” email addresses so we could make plans to get together again, and the following day I emailed him to say that I had a really wonderful time talking with him and was looking forward to speaking again. Very nice, positive but not pushy email. I never heard from him again. Why? I don’t know…I DO know that we connected well when we spoke and met. Anything could have happened. I never speculate about these things…a girl could drive herself crazy that way. I just move on. And so I did.

A few weeks ago I met someone else from Match. Now, with this guy there were sparks. Charming emails and an even more charming (and long) phone call. We met for drinks and appys at a local Greek restaurant and had a blast. This evening included the body language that let’s you know he’s as interested in you as you are in him. Our date ended with a chaste but VERY warm kiss (two in fact) and a wonderful big hug. I sent him a short text the next day saying that I really enjoyed our evening and was looking forward to connecting again. A week went by, by which time I’d completely written him off. And then he called, apologizing for not getting back sooner, he’d been very ill and then away on business. Lie? Who knows. I like to give the benefit of the doubt …ONCE, so I did. Another week went by and this time I called him to say hi. Nice conversation ensued. We haven’t spoken since and I’m pretty sure we never will again. Why? I don’t know (please see comment in previous section about my opinion of speculation).

So on I go to the next profile, and maybe the next, etc. I don’t think there’s an etiquette book on how to politely date online, but there should be. Miss Dating Manners would say:

Gentlemen, man up and get off the freakin’ fence. If you’re interested say so, if you’re not interested say so. We don’t read minds, body language – yes, minds – no. And if you’re worried about getting slapped by an angry woman…it is perfectly acceptable to send a short email saying, thank you but I think there’s someone better out there for both of us, best of luck in your search for love….SEE, now that wasn’t so hard, was it?




  1. Frustrating! I had one guy like these that I really remember well. We met at a singles event and went on two dates. By the second date, he was talking about prescribing me allergy meds (he was a doc) so I could meet his cats, and suggesting all these nifty plans for future dates… and I thought I was pretty enthusiastically agreeing.

    And then he never called me again.

    No idea what happened, and I don’t particularly care EXCEPT I think it’s rude and I’d like to have known if it was something I said or did that could be corrected with the next guy.

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