Christian men can be fickle and complicated things. Trust me, it’s not easy to balance the wants of your belief system against the common attraction that exists between a man and a woman. Sometimes it’s easy to feel that you are rejecting someone arbitrarily, but other times having a strict moral code and compass can be an advantage in the often confusing world of dating.
People ask me for advice on how to date someone you know you like but that is Christian. This particularly comes from women who want to date my attractive guys friends from softball. While there is no easy 1-2 solution to finding commonalities with a Christian man there are five do’s and five don’ts to keep in mind during courtship.
DO make sure to always communicate you sexual intentions with a male partner. Far too many women assume that men are wired for sex (we kinda are) and that they are willing to eschew the Lord in a moment of lust. While that has occurred to several Christian men, themajority want a long and committed relationship with a woman who values romantic relationships.
DON’T tease a man who has an interest in remaining actively Christian during courtship. If he is a true-believerI doubt you want to get into a comparative study with Jesus Christ.
DO take an active interest in his church work. Most men aren’t trying to convert their girlfriends to Evangelical Christianity but hey do want to the share their stories from community gatherings and organizational outreach.
DON’T get frustrated with the romance. A dearth of physicality should build into a wonderful and active sexual life once married. Many Christian men are willing to make exceptions, but again that is something better to be discussed than forced. Many of my friends have gone on Christian dating sites because these situations have made them uneasy.
DO let him know how you feel about the church and religion. The biggest mistake most women make with my friends and I are to assume we’ll cast them away on the first sign that their devotion is less than we’d hope. I’m speaking for my friends here, but none of the Christian men I know have broken up with women who don’t actively go to church. It’ a process and while it’s very important to these men, most see that it takes time to develop the catalogue of experiences in church to certify themselves as true followers.
DON’T talk of past exploits. That’s just good advice for anyone in a burgeoning relationship. My friend once had a girl explain that on her path to the church she’d encountered X amount on men. While he certainly appreciated the honesty, the fervor for her new relationship seemed to muddle her judgment. Christian men are understanding, loving and doting, but hey need acclimation to the relative former “sins” of their partners. Don’t force-feed them the truth too soon.
DO be yourself. It’s tough to hide when you’re being disingenuous. Be yourself and that’ll promote the same behavior from your Christian partner.
DON’T take any of this as gospel. Experience it all for yourself and see how you think it’s best to date.