When you meet someone new, the potential and hope of what lies ahead is exciting. When I date, I want to know the end before I let the beginning really develop. Yes, I know this is somewhat odd. I just don’t want to put time into something that was NOT going to end with a long term commitment, marriage or maybe even children. But, that is what determines where a relationship will go, putting in the time and developing a bond … aka: DATING.
Getting to know someone is interesting. You learn about them … and yourself. As feelings develop and this person becomes a part of your life, you can start to see a life together. That is what happened to me. I knew I really liked this person I recently dated when a song came on the radio and I thought, “this should be our wedding song.” Wedding? Where did that thought come from? We never talked wedding. Was this my subconscious telling me I was in or falling in love and could see a future with this person? I thought so. And that song made me happy and so I downloaded it from itunes and played it a lot. I liked the way it made me feel and I liked the thoughts associated with it.
That was a happy realization I was not ready for. I lived with the potential reality of that … wedding, reception, honeymoon, family life, having someone to travel this journey of life with … and I was starting to embrace it and look forward to it. Inside, I smiled and I thought that after all my patience with dating and an optimistic outlook to not give up – that perhaps I had found, THE ONE.
But, dating is the process of getting to know someone. And, as time went on, I came to another realization about what I was looking for and that this person did not necessarily fulfill what I needed in the long term. Some of who we were and what we wanted were not aligned. It was a sad realization.
So, I not only mourned the loss of a person, but the potential of what I wanted and a life that could have been. It’s like running a race and seeing the finish line and tripping and hurting yourself a few yards away and never reaching it because you were hauled away on a stretcher.
The grief in the loss of a relationship is multi-layered because all the hopes and dreams you had of love, friendship, children and a life with someone no longer exists. The heart takes a direct hit … and that hurts.
So, in the end, breakups just suck. But, I know eventually my optimism will return and I will move past the loss and hurt and a brighter road will lay before me … I hope!