Posted by: Shar & Mare | October 3, 2011

When To Walk Away


You are dating. You really like the person. You start seeing a life with this person. Things are not perfect, but then again we and life are not perfect. But, what is a “gating” issue for you – that one issue is a deal breaker?

How do you know when to walk away?

I recently dated someone who I liked very much. A few issues arose that “concerned” me. OK, we were not the same person and we would have different styles, priorities and ways of doing things. I got that. I accepted that.

But, inevitably one thing happens that makes you see that something that is an issue for you will never go away and it will always bother you and it directly relates to a few “key” qualities you need a person to encompass.

I think when this realization hits you, a paradigm shift occurs in your thinking and perspective of this person and your potential life with them. That can either be the genesis of the relationship improving for the better and transporting to a better place. Or it can be the beginning of the end because you see that certain things will never change. For me, it came when the person I was dating invited me to a family wedding out of town and did not act in a gentlemanly way when he assumed we would share a room. I would have appreciated the consciousness and courtesy to be asked if I wanted my own room. Someone to think of my needs and what made me comfortable. And, not only did he NOT ask, but when I said I wanted my own room, he said it was OK, but never offered to make the reservation for me after I informed him I did not have enough hotel points for my room. So, I had to make reservations for a hotel room to an event for which I was the guest. He did not offer to pay for my room. And I thought he would step up and pay when we checked in. He did not. That added insult to injury. If he had offered to pay, but said that it was a tight month for him, then I gladly would have stepped up and relieved that burden from him. A gesture can mean everything. I always say it is not about the money, it is about the gesture.

I am a very generous person. I don’t need people to be as generous as me, but I need a man who knows his place, has a consciousness to do the right thing, and steps up and acts in a courteous way to ensure that I am taken care of and considered. In this instance, I did not feel special, respected, appreciated, loved or taken care of. And, for me, that was the defining moment of realization when I knew this was a gating issue for me.

It was the moment when I knew I had to walk away because I was not going to change this man or any issues he had with money or his inability to know what to do or how to take care of a woman.

So, I did. I am sure he is hurt, but even though I walked away … I am hurt too.

But, I remain optimistic to find someone I don’t walk away from.
Do you know when to walk away? Did you? What precipitated your exit of the relationship?

Mariann

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