Posted by: Shar & Mare | October 10, 2011

“In A Relationship” – Dating & Facebook Status


Facebook "relationship status"Dare I say it … I hate Facebook. Oh no, I am sure I will shunned by many for saying that who are shaking their head in bewilderment. OK, so I don’t hate Facebook, but I feel like it is crux to avoid personal contact. We don’t call people anymore, we don’t make time to see each other but thru Facebook we feel like we are staying in touch with each other. Yes, to some extent we are, but from a distance and in short sound bites. I feel like it takes the depth our of our relationship and makes it more shallow. I think we become too dependent on Facebook as a way of communicating.

It has become a forum for people to release personal information in a public forum, which to some extent is a form of exhibitionism. Do I really need to know that someone picked their dog up at the Vet? No. Do I need to know that it is raining? No. Do I need to know that you can’t sleep? No. You might disagree with me and think this is critical information, but trust me … it is NOT.
And those who tell very personal info like they are sick or announce their mother died seems odd to me. I get that it is an easy way to let everyone know, but I can’t say that FB would be the first place I would go to announce this. When my mom passed, I called my friends and emailed the ones I could not get. I needed that voice, that comfort and that personal interaction.

This all leads to me to announcing your “relationship status” on Facebook. I can see if you are married, but I like to keep my countenance on personal information and announcing everything to the world. Once it is “out there” you cannot get it back.

And then when you say you are in a relationship with someone and breakup, all the world has to know. I just think some things are better kept private.
I got a lot of flack from family and friends who could not understand why I did not indicate my FB status as “in a relationship” with the person I was dating. I explained that I like my privacy and I don’t need to announce all my personal business to the world.

Then I was given the argument that it could offend my boyfriend if he saw my status was still “single.” But he did not change his status and I was not offended. My attitude is that I am single until the moment I walk down the aisle and say “I do.” And, I swear, the next morning I will change my status to “Married.” I promise!

Mariann

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Responses

  1. Oh my gosh. I agree completely. Wrote a post about “What the Heck is My Relationship Status.” I hate Facebook, too. I took down most personal info and check in infrequently. I choose not put publicize my relationship status, I mean — you don’t have to fill it in or make it public. It’s not required. Duh. People who know me, know my status. If they don’t, they can ask. If they don’t know me well enough to ask, they don’t need to know or they can do it the good old fashioned way — ask someone else. Plus, this relationship status thing puts so much pressure on young dating couples. It’s like the old ’50’s way of “pinning” a girl or having her wear your letterman sweater, except this is everywhere, available to everyone. And really, some people checking “in a relationship” are like 15 years old — how is that the same status as a grown up relationship? Plus, ew. Be single, be married. But how you check the box on Facebook is not the defining factor, people. And there are the folks who change their status after one or two dates. Ugh. And the people who need so badly to announce their relationship that they post multiple couple pics and daily couple interactions, change their relationship status and entertain congratulations for doing so — what’s up with that? Are you trying to let an Ex know that you are the new girl/guy in town? Has it been that long that it’s a national holiday that you have someone in your life? I don’t get it. My advice to the young ones — be too cool to put your relationship status on Facebook.

    Another pet peeve of mine is the happy birthday wishes. IMHO posting a Facebook Happy Birthday to a relative is insufficient. Period. Also, relatives who post old family pictures in cyberworld without permission should be shot. Period.

    And then there’s the stalkers. People stalk your actions. Facebook makes it so easy for the stalkers. Stalkers don’t even have to hide in the bushes anymore and the need for binoculars — gone. Skills such as following a car and sitting outside a house are lost on the Facebook folks. They can do it all online. However, Facebook also makes it easy to mess with the stalkers, heh heh. Because guess what? There’s no quality control, so I can post about a fabulous party and a steamy date yet never have left my house. It’s all a crazy game.

    For the people who enjoy Facebook, have at it. Sometimes it is a way to reconnect or find someone you’ve lost track of over the years. Once you’ve found that person, the next logical step would be some sort of human contact, if he/she is that important to you. Otherwise, know that it is just a new form of a greeting card. And that’s cool, but that’s it. It good for people selling things, looking for work, people who don’t feel like talking or people creeping. And it’s great for people who can’t get out because of disability, young children, etc. But I’m with you, don’t forget personal interaction with the folks you care about. Facebook everybody else.

    And another thing — FYI: Employers are not allowed to specifically ask your age, your marital status, your religion, your sexual orientation, whether you have or are planning to have children, etc. This is because some people may make decisions against you based on these factors, which is illegal. Think about it. Learn not to volunteer all your business everywhere, you have a choice. Even if you do it on Facebook, don’t do it elsewhere.

    Okay, I’ll stop now.

  2. Thanks for sharing your comments. I’m sure many would agree with you on all points or at least a few. I’ve found that those of us (Sharon) who like Facebook, have found ways to utilize it without sacrificing our security. Those of us who dislike it (Mariann) tend to shun the app altogether, except for times when it’s necessary to reach many friends at once.

    I guess it all comes down to your personal networking comfort level!

    Sharon 🙂

  3. Facebook keeps up perpetually in high school, circling the football field, seeing who else is there and trying to look cool and confident or sad and angsty or whatever our teenage deal is.

  4. True @singlutionary….it keeps us “young” in a weird over-sharing kind of way…:)


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