Posted by: Shar & Mare | November 21, 2011

How Well Do You Know YOU?

As people get older, they get a stronger sense of who they are, what they want, what is acceptable and what is not. This self-understanding is very important to getting involved with someone. You must know who you are before you can give your heart to another. If you don’t, you run the risk of being taken over by the other person and doing what they want and not necessarily what you want.

I think it would be very prudent for each person dating to really sit with themselves and spend time to evaluate their life, what is important to them and what they are looking for. Knowing yourself keeps balance in a relationship all the while, you remain true to your values, hopes and dreams.

Some people can be very convincing to get you to change or do something you don’t want to. I caution you and recommend you hone yourself and instinct to know if/when someone is taking advantage of you. And, to know and love and respect yourself enough to stand up for what is right for you.

Part of knowing ourselves is to know our weaknesses or bad patterns and to ensure we do not fall into those traps or let them prevent you from having who or what you want. That is just as important as knowing your self.

I recently broke up with someone I was dating and a friend of mine said to me, “that is very brave of you.” I queried “why?” She replied, “because you are alone now and don’t have anyone.” I said, “I know who I am and what I want, and if the person I am dating does not envelop that, then I need to protect myself and my heart and not lead him on and end it and move on and hope the universe and God provide me with what I do want and is good for me.” I don’t consider breaking up a relationship because it is not all you want as brave. I view it as necessary for you to achieve your hopes and dreams and not settle. And, when you know yourself, this is an easy decision.

Does knowing yourself, the good and bad, help you in making the right relationship choices in your life? Please share!




  1. Great post…you really hit the nail on the head. Literally, in a nutshell, I’ve been learning on my own self journey, that it really is about being ‘who’ we are. …that we should be comfortable in our own skin. That, when one chooses not to settle, but instead, just to wait calmly for the one who is who I should be with, well, that just means I get to spend more time with learning to love myself.

    I’ve also been learning that when I work on myself, and I make myself a better person, that I have an effect on others around me. Very cool!

    I’ve settled so many times in my life, and made so many poor choices in life. I have at last come to believe that, as my final act in life, I just won’t settle any more.

    I think that thinking like this actually raises the bar on what we will, and won’t accept in our life anymore. This is ME, almost fearless.

    Bring it on!

    P.S. I prefer tall men. 🙂 Just kidding. Not….

    • Thanks for the great comments. Isn’t it the truth though? And it’s something that I wish I’d known when I was a teen too!

  2. Great post. I recently decided not to force dating because I don’t know what I want. I do have some ideas about what I don’t want, however. Still, there is another issue for me. Women, it seems, have half-lives. I worry about waiting too long, having to check a different age category box, etc. Being put out to pasture. Society is not kind to women. Each time someone tweets about “she’s too old to wear, do . . etc.” I think, well better do it now before it’s too late.

  3. I think many, many women feel the way you do about having a half-life, myself included sometimes. But, when all is said and done, you’ve got to be in it to win it. So I try to never let age issues slow me down in the dating arena. I truly believe that there’s a lid for every pot and sometimes trying on “lids” that totally don’t fit you is just the thing you need to do so that when you find the right one, you’ll know it!

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