Posted by: Shar & Mare | January 16, 2012

“It’s Not You, It’s Me”…And Other Lame Excuses

I end my ice-breaker emails to potential dates like this: “If you are interested then please write back and we can talk…maybe meet. If not, then I wish you the best in your search.” I do this to let the recipient know that it’s OK to NOT write if you’re not interested. I know many will disagree, saying that it’s only polite to answer each and every email with a “yes, I’m interested” or “thanks, but no thanks”. Even sites like recommend answering all your emails. I respectfully disagree. If you are interested – write back, if not – move on, and I’ve become more and more adamant about this over time. You see, I’ve had more than my share of ridiculous responses to emails and I’m at the point where I find them borderline insulting.

I recently emailed and then spoke with an online match. The emails went well but it was obvious during the phone call that we were most likely not a good match. I got an email from him the next day saying that he was so sorry that he would not be able to meet me, but he was going to be very, very busy at his job and would be traveling most of the time and so was putting his membership on hold. …He is still on the site EVERY DAY.

I emailed someone who emailed back saying that he met someone and she seems very special and he was going to date her exclusively, but thank you so much for the email and if it doesn’t work out he will surely get in touch with me…He is still on the site EVERY DAY.

I occasionally get the canned sentence supplied by the dating site. The verbiage varies from site to site but basically says the same thing: “I’ve just met someone and want to see where it goes.” They are all (you guessed it)  still on the site EVERY DAY.

And yes, I did once get the proverbial Junior High School comment “It’s not you, it’s me.” It took all of my self control (between gales of laughter) to not write back with “Well, yes it IS you..and I better not catch you making out with Mary Jones behind the bleachers at the Pep Rally this weekend!!”

I know I’m blonde, but I’m really not stupid, nor am I blind (well, at least when I have my contacts in…LOL) I can SEE that you’re still dating online. So here it is: If you feel uncomfortable saying or writing a rejection then just say nothing. If I don’t hear from you in one or two days I WILL FIGURE OUT that you are not interested. It saves me the annoyance of having to waste my time reading your lame excuses. IT’S OK. We are big boys and girls …just move on.



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