Posted by: Shar & Mare | May 2, 2012

You’ve Got To Step Up To The Plate If You Want To Score.

Are men looking for the impossibly perfect woman?“Men look at my profile, often repeatedly, but they don’t email, wink, flirt…nothing!”.

I hear this, in some form or another, from many women. I have to say, I’ve voiced this lament myself on more than one occasion. I know I’m not a runway model, but I’ve been told by many a friend that I’m “cute”, “attractive”, “pretty”, and sundry other complimentary adjectives. So what’s the deal here guys?

I know there are many more women than men surfing the online dating sites, but it seems to me as if the men who ARE online are looking more than dating. I have one girlfriend who is beautiful, successful, slim and vivacious. She insists that the only way to meet the “right guy” online is to make sure he contacts you FIRST. Her reasoning is that the caveman instinct is alive and well and that if a man is going to be interested and STAY interested, he needs to be the one to make the first move. So she never, ever contacts a man first online. She doesn’t date…at all.

I, on the other hand, will send a quick email to whomever strikes my fancy online. I do manage to date on occasion, but not as often as I should given the avalanche of emails I’ve been known to shoot off. Am I just not their cup of tea? Given the uneven distribution of men to women, am I just getting lost in the shuffle? Am I just one of eight hundred emails from women that these men are surely receiving everyday? Or, could it be the “Seinfeld” effect – where everyone online has gotten SO picky and SO determined to find the “perfect” date, that they ignore anyone who doesn’t fit the picture in their heads 100% (GEE….she’s perfect except for the fact that she drinks red wine….No, no, no…only a white wine drinker will do. Pass).

My bet is on the Seinfeld theory. As I read through men’s profiles online, I’m finding, more and more, an undercurrent of this “you must be THE perfect woman for me” attitude. There’s a paragraph, sometimes two or three, waxing poetic about wanting to Meet And See If There’s Chemistry…THEN, in the next sentence are the I’m Picky, Picky, Picky comments. Which leads me to wonder whether or not these guys are really open to meeting a variety of women…or just the Barbie who lives in their head.

Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe you’ve had different experiences or a different take on this subject? And, since we are on the subject – Ladies, are you ALSO looking for utter and complete perfection, or are you open to dating outside your “type”?

I’m pouring a glass of wine and putting my feet up…join me and let’s discuss!



  1. Online dating can be a huge waste of time if you sit around and wait for something to happen. If you are looking for something casual, then waiting for contacts may work but if you want a serious relationship, you should be open to contacting men first. Sometimes casual can lead serious but you can waste lots time with the wrong guy. It’s seems counter productive to contact men because you will get more rejection but you need to find out who is real. Men who insist on asking are the ones who don’t want the “pressure”.

    Dating websites have many ways to contact someone without losing your dignity. You can wink, like, favorite, email…. If you view a profile but you don’t send some kind of communication to the person, you are saying something. It may not be what you think.

    • Thanks for the great comments. I tend to agree, you’ve got to be pro-active if you want to actually meet someone.

  2. […] Correct me if I am wrong or you have a different experience, BUT, recently, guys seem to be putting NO effort into making a date or pursuing the woman. […]

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