Posted by: Shar & Mare | July 26, 2012

How to Write the Ideal Message

How do you write the perfect message?There’s no point in paying a monthly membership fee for a dating site and taking a slew of flattering profile photos if you’re not going to be proactive and try to get yourself a date for Friday night. We don’t live in the 1950’s anymore—you can make some sort of initiative to let the opposite sex know that you’re at the very least interested. But sending a “wink” isn’t really appeasing. In my experience with online dating (something I became interested in college), sending a message is typically the way to go. However, you need to make sure that you compose it the right way; otherwise you’re sure to miss out on a “potential” mate. While formulating an impressionable message isn’t neuroscience, you’d be surprised to learn how many get it wrong. To make sure you’re not one of them, continue reading below.

Make it Personal
First and foremost you want to make your message sounds “personal.” By no means do you want it sound like you’re sending out some sort of stock email—there’s nothing worse than sounding too spammy or rehearsed. The person you’re trying to contact wants to know that you’ve actually read his or her profile and that you legitimately think the two of you might be a good fit/match—you can’t just say “Hi, My name is Maria. I find you attractive.” Referencing something that you learned from his or her profile is the easiest way to accomplish this. Something like “I saw that you really like cliff diving, I do too” can give your message that special personal touch.

Don’t Give Too Much Away
Getting to know someone is a gradual process that occurs naturally. You don’t want to give your life story right off the bat—this can really scare someone away. While it’s ok to give some basic information about yourself, if the person is generally interested in you they’ll be sure to ask follow up questions and spark up a conversation—this is where details about your life will gradually come out. On an equal note, you don’t want to talk about your past in terms of your “ex.” Don’t discuss your failed relationships. It’s huge turn off and can make you see coo-coo on paper. You also don’t want to sound too “flirty.” Avoid using terms like “babe” “baby” and “sweetheart” when addressing someone you don’t even know.

Don’t Write in Text-Speak
Lastly, you want to make sure that you compose your message in proper English. Since the invention of the text message, Facebook, and online chatting, it can be easy to write out phrases like “What R U doing?” But this just seems juvenile and can be sometimes un-readable. Put your best foot forward and make full, comprehensive sentences from the very beginning. Once the two of you get more comfortable with each other you can start using more acronyms, but until that time arrives avoid them entirely.

A freelance blogger with a strong work ethic, Angelita Williams lives for scooping the next big story. Among her preferred topics of writing are online learning, distance courses, and the growing trend of mobile education. But she also thoroughly enjoys writing about dating and lifestyle topics. If you have any comments or questions, you can reach Angelita at



  1. I love reading your blogs! Your fantastic xxx Cat

  2. You would think having common sense would cover all of these, especially the “making it personal.” But it doesn’t. I use those parameters as a good way to weed out the mentally less fortunate:)

    • “mentally less fortunate”….LMAO. That is just too funny, true…but funny.

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