About a year ago I was talking with some friends and one of them mentioned that a mutual acquaintance of ours, “Jed”, had sent a group email to her and a few other women asking if they had any nice single girlfriends who wouldn’t mind going on a blind date with him.
My girlfriend Jenny said she’d thought of me but then changed her mind about suggesting me because she said she thought I needed someone more “dynamic” than Jed.
My reaction was, well yes Jed and I wouldn’t be an even remotely good match. He’s a sweet guy but…I’d describe him as a “little bird” of a man. Slightly built, timid, very shy. With what my mom would have described as a milquetoast personality. Pleasant as he was to talk to at group get-togethers, on a date I’d be silently screaming and tearing my hair out. Yep, I admit it, beyond looks and build and career, I need a guy with an outgoing personality. Not just because my artist/musician/theater friends are all blazing extroverts who would be overwhelming to the poor guy, but also because I need …well, fire.
Now by fire I don’t necessarily mean sexually…although that IS TERRIBLY IMPORTANT. Nor do I mean a fiery temper, I actually prefer someone NOT temperamental. No, I mean a zest for life…that kind of fire…that’s dynamic.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more appealing to me than a man who relishes every minute of every day. I don’t care what he does for a living, what IS important is the fire and determination that he puts into that job. I melt for the man who is always up for a new adventure whether it’s vacationing in a new locale, going to a strange NY neighborhood to try the new restaurant with the exotic cuisine, or going to a party where he knows no one – and making ten new friends there. I adore a man who wakes up in the morning with a smile as bright as a super-nova because another day on this earth awaits him.
This is the thing that I find challenging to describe in a dating profile, under the “Who I’m Looking For” section. What I have in my profile is basically what I’ve written here, but I’m not sure sometimes how that comes across. The Dynamic thing is, I think, a quality of a person’s soul and there’s no check box for that on any of the dating sites. Trust me, I’ve looked for it!
What I will do, have been doing, is just get out there and meet guys. Because you must meet face-to-face to get a sense of a person’s spirit..their fire. This is something that never comes across entirely in a written profile. Sometimes you can get a sense of it during a phone conversation but truly, you need to be able to look into someones eyes, to feel the passion and joy for life they carry with them.
And I’m curious. Really, comment and let me know, what’s the thing you look for in a date that’s completely intangible? What quality of spirit to you crave in a significant other? Is it something you already found in a partner? Do tell.