Posted by: Shar & Mare | June 8, 2010

Strange Email Comments – The Top Ten


Strange Emails!Over the years I’ve gotten more than my share of odd emails. Here, in no particular order, are excerpts from some of my favorites.

1. I don’t have a headshot posted because I’m very famous in my town. (Um, OK. Town drunk? Married? Really a woman?)

2. I’m married but maybe you could just have some fun with me till your Prince Charming comes along. (Soooooo…you’re being honest with me but NOT your wife?)

3. Make a wish and I’ll grant it. (After you pop out of a bottle wearing bloomers?)

4. I read your email as I was sipping a Mocha Latte, while enjoying the jasmine scents of the foliage as it wafted through my kitchen window. (This was oddly flowery for a guy…. until I found out that he’d sent the SAME email to my girlfriend..verbatim- then it was just weird. And BTW, what “wafted”, the scents or the foliage?)

5. i looking for a women just lik you. (Thank you for the warning).

6. 300-555-2788 (“CALL NOW to take advantage of this limited time offer!!!!” ???).

7. I would like to meet you later today for an afternoon of sexual pleasures. (Today? Gee, how about….NEVER.)

8. (This one came after I’d sent a polite “no thank you” to someone who emailed me) “Well, I hope you find your prince…under the TREE!” (My Christmas tree or the oak tree in my backyard? Quick, let me know I want to go and look!)

9. Here’s a link to the Real Estate group that handles the rental on my shore house. You can see a picture of the house on their site! (I’m looking for a date, not a vacation rental…just sayin’)

10. If we meet you’ll need to know that I am an atheist! (Afraid I’ll scream “Praise the Lord and pass the potatoes!!!” before we have dinner?)

Amen – thank you God for gifting me with a fairly healthy sense of humor..) What’s the oddest email comment you’ve ever gotten?
Sharon

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Responses

  1. OMG I swear I’ve seen half of these myself. Thanks for a chuckle this morning!

    MM

  2. Praise the Lord and pass the potatoes! It’s good. For the love of diversity. This world would not be the same without fun things to remember.
    Memories.
    ~Great Love to You,
    Mirian from peelingtheorange.

  3. thanks for giving me a good laugh this morning!
    as a matter of fact, i logged into my facebook yesterday and had both a friend request and a message from some random man in nigeria that i’ve never met. in addition to requesting we be FB friends, he also professed his love for me. and i quote:
    “i am solomon. birthday febuary 5. am a musichian, single, i love to now and if you can be my heart my love, my only one, i will be glad. i leave in africa, just to tell you i love yoooooooooooooooou.”
    what a monday.

    • taylor, I got a similar message! I wonder if it’s the same guy? WEIRD!

      • oh my! that means he doesn’t really want to commit like i thought! haha.

  4. “I was going to delete my profile until I saw you. ”

    “Do you believe pre-destination?”

    And finally “True friendship is a commodity and I am not going to pass that up even if it means we cannot date.” Ummm this is a dating site, right?

    Sharon – it’s definitely crazy out there.

  5. as an Asian i love this.
    my views were different … http://vizakh.wordpress.com/

    • Such a weird statement for a bulk comment – I’ve seen this one on several blogs today!

      • moi aussi.

        in response to this post, it would be better if i knew that these email comments were related to some sort of dating site. i didn’t understand it until she said “i’m looking for a date”

      • You caught him! It’s on every “freshly pressed blog” of today!

  6. Haha, those are fantastic. I wish I’d kept some notes. Man, I miss dating sometimes.

  7. My favorite was number 8. Haha, hysterical.

    http://www.stuffyoushouldhate.com

  8. I can’t I have ever gotten anything like this…but I will say at least they are honest…lol 🙂

    http://www.wutevs.wordpress.com

  9. Online dating brings out the oddest people. My favorite “Want to go rafting?” (This from a person 1000 miles away.) Why?

  10. Fun list. Number 9 and the real estate crack is an odd bird.

    A couple of years ago, I posted a complimentary comment on a blog that was about a womans’ trip to Ireland. Her boyfriend sent me a nasty note accusing me of trying to pick her up. I had no idea that a 2 sentence comment on a blog could be such temptation.

    I sent a kind reply and he later apologized saying he was really stressed about comments on his girlfriend’s FB page and was blowing off steam. Can you say control issues?

  11. LOL. Wait, how or why are you getting these comments? Are you on some dating site?

    • OH, I’ve been on quite a few Veronica. I actually have met some very nice men but, in between those, I’ve found that I really need to keep my wits about me by learning to laugh often and loudly.

  12. Did you eat Lucky Charms for breakfast? Because, GIRL, you look magically delicious!

    Mhm, Got milk?

    LOL. Funny, funny commments and commentary. 🙂

    • I like the Lucky Charms one! How do you reply to that?

      • I could eat you up with a spoon!

        LOL

        I’ve got to say, I get stuff this weird and weirder, and I’m not on a dating site!

      • My reply – ummm, thanks a lot, then I follow the rainbow out of there! HA. I think I prefer the leprechaun. At least he has a cute accent. 🙂

      • Darn men…there always after me lucky charms…lol

  13. Taylor: I got something very similar to yours. Soooo weird. Love this post!

    • you’re the second person to say that! hmm, there’s obviously a conspiracy.

  14. Hehehe, now I am wide awake because of your post.

  15. Awesome stuff… and unfortunately scary as well. 🙂

  16. I laughed at #5 because what woman in her right mind wants a guy who can’t even spell? Not to mention the whole creepy vibe of that comment…LOL

  17. LOL . . . definitely a great morning read.

    http://www.semajmik.com

  18. Let’s face it, guys suck. You’d think they’d get more clued up as they get older, but I’m not seeing that yet!!

  19. Thanks for sharing. Hillarious. Love number 7. Classic!

    Heres my fare share of hillarious moments on sifting through emails and online dating ptofiles..
    http://lifeisonebigstage.wordpress.com/2008/05/31/wtf-are-you-saying/
    have fun reading!

    H

  20. Hahaha. Oh man. I was having such a terrible morning thanks for making me laugh and smile.

  21. Oh, Lordy, those were funny! I’m glad you can handle them with such a cool head and a sense of humor!!!

  22. It’s great! 🙂 Without your own comments it wouldn’t be so funny.

  23. Those made me laugh, and sadly they are a little creepy. I recently got one from a woman who said she saw my picture, and wanted to send me hers. She told me not to judge anyone by religion, race and a few other things because love had no bounds. All of those I agree with, but she should’ve read my bio further – I’m married to a man. I didn’t know how to respond to her, so I didn’t.

    • then if you get comments like that, that wasnt a woman, that was a man using a womans photo. men do that to milk personal info out’ve unsuspecting women/girls for their own sick pleasures.

  24. FB message from a random stranger:

    ” You’re very beautiful and you look interesting. I would like to discuss with you if you agree of course.
    See you soon ”

    Luckily I did not see him soon!

  25. These made me laugh.

  26. I think all these professional “spammers” need to get a real job and stop bugging people for a living!

    The Codger
    http://thecodger.wordpress.com/

  27. Those were awesome! Thanks for the laughs! All the best-Elizabeth

  28. Makes me soooo glad I’m old and married!! Thanks for sharing and making my morning that much more enjoyable.

  29. haha these are awesome.

  30. #10 is my favorite.

  31. Wow. Great post. This is my favorite for sure:

    I don’t have a headshot posted because I’m very famous in my town.

    HI-LARIOUS!!

  32. I once asked a software developer how long it would take fo te delivery of a bug fix and his email response was, “No more than 2 hours atleast”

  33. #6 had me ROFL (Hey, who can resist such a great deal? Better act on it while the offer is good. LOL)

    My worst when I was in the dating scene: “I’d like to offer my services. I will give you a free breast exam.”

    Yeah, they’re everywhere. 😛

  34. Hahaha can’t recall how many times I’ve gotten these kind of weird e-mails! And you just made them a whole lot more funny 😀

  35. I have seen many of these same comments also. The really funny thing is when it is a scammer and they send it to the admin email address for the scam education and awareness website that my husband and I operate.

    They should look at who they are sending it to first.

    Shawn Mosch

  36. These are so familiar, it’s scary. My favorite is the guy how told me that he was a ‘King looking of his Queen.’ I’m sorry, what? You are a King now? On Match.com? Ok….

    Ha! -SG

  37. OH my. Do I have some of these. Yes, yes I do. Here’s just a few –

    1. so beautiful moth,
    are you busy again tonight? or can you fly away for a couple of hours, meet me for some early evening porchlighting?
    downotwn someplace?
    give me a call when you have a break.

    in flames.
    d

    2. Choose Excitement. hmmm. danger.
    choose excitement. danger always leads to better stories and steamier romances, this is what i think. i would expect that you have already googled me and know i’m real. you shouldn’t assume i’m safe though. i’m a predator.

    if you are still a bit antsy, if you imagine that i’m really a 300 lb serial killer in an ill fitting dress with a hook for a hand, a convincing telephone voice and a few good yarns – we could meet first at a bar downtown. we can head up to biltmore area and find a place with paper tableclothes

    plan 3 –
    It feels a bit cool out now, although perhaps this is misleading. assuming though that its cool tonight – i propose some chinese take-out, a couple of bottles of wine, a blanket on my roof and a big drawing pad. we can see the buildings downtown, and the crackheads

  38. My Christmas tree or the oak tree in my backyard? Quick, let me know I want to go and look!

    Afraid I’ll scream “Praise the Lord and pass the potatoes!!!” before we have dinner?

    This is really really niicee and funny =)). It`s good that you have a well developed sense of humor. >:D< all of you posts are very nice. and I really enjoy reading your blog..

    • Thank you so much Blossom..:)

  39. Women are not the only recipients of “strange” emails from mate seekers.

    “Your mind alone could give me an orgasm.”

    That was it, the whole message…no hello or greeting of any kind. Not that I am NOT flattered by the opening one-liner, but it is hardly the way to get my positive attention by assuming I am that shallow of a person to respond eagerly to this form of “hello”. It was worth a good laugh though…and I did respond to it, with “Thank you for your kind words, good luck in your fishing.”

    http://outofthefold.wordpress.com

    • wow… you must have made some impression….lol

    • That’s hilarious! Made even funnier (?) by the fact I read the last word in your post as “fisting.”

      Maybe I need glasses.

  40. On MySpace, a guy who called himself 2 Burgers wanted to be my friend. People can be so weird.

    beautyoftheyear.wordpress.com

  41. I’m worth millions.

  42. Number 5 is my absolute favorite!…lol!!!!

    • Mine too ))

  43. I think that flowery guy is my neighbour, strange things waft over from that way often!!!

  44. actually received a work email from the head of research studies for space travel (while working at a railway museum and him at the science museum we worked in the same company). All it said was – ‘thanks for meeting me today (i have not met him EVER), look forward to seeing you Thursday.’

    I replied saying he may have the wrong email, he said maybe I was right yet still maintained he would see me on Thursday…he never did.

    Mental

  45. I obviously lead a very dull life, because I don’t have any neat stories to share. i did thoroughly enjoy your’s though!

  46. i love this post…. this is too funny….
    the weirdest email i ever got

    the letters of your name keep popping up in my emails….it must mean somthing for us….

    yeah dope…it means you are typing everyday words with the letters H O P E….words like the and open….lol

    Hope

  47. Have to love the Nigeria 411 scams.. I always respond, and ask them for the US Bank Setup Fee of $2000 first before I transfer my $20,000 in the advent of receiving a share of the 40 Million in some mysterious bank vault that nobody has claimed.

  48. 10 made me laugh… how about this one. i got an email saying …..”this is awckward of me to say since im am married man, im your sevret admierer…etc etc….” his “name” was mike …i then got the same exact one (same picture and same exact words) from “jason” and “paul” and “isaac” and so on and so forth… man! married men must be in the same v-card clan! lol

  49. Hahaah: wow..

  50. I’m worth millions too !!!

  51. The weirdest comment I’ve ever gotten was, “When you meet my mom, she’ll probably want to feel you up but let me get my videocam first. I want to remember the moment.”
    First of all, like I would ever get close enough to that guy to even meet his mom.
    Secondly, ewww
    Thirdly, ewww

  52. The weirdest? Without a doubt, it was this one from a dating site: “Show me your puss!”

    I halfway considered e-mailing a picture of one of my cats, but I felt it best not to encourage further correspondence.

    :-/

  53. hahaha too funny!

  54. Hahaha those were hilarious. Its just sad that so many guys can send emails so straightforward about sex and have no shame in it. I’m a dude, and I find it ridiculous.

  55. Although not email comments I used to have this girl give out my mobile (cell) phone number as her own and I used to get so many picture messages of guys penises as well as random calls from her optomertrist.

  56. Oh Lawd, I know most of those. One favorite of mine that I got was written in Chinese, but it had some kind of flowery logo thingy. I copy’n’pasted the text into a translator and it said something about ‘going on dated me with balloons and porpoises.’ What is this world coming to?

  57. These all seem pretty tame, unless you read ’em strangely. Dunno why you think that guy’s lying to his wife, for instance…

    Likewise, the atheist is probably afraid you’ll run screaming from the room… because that’s probably happened to him before, sad to say.

  58. it is so interesting.

  59. [i got one on facebook saying ‘you don’t know me, but let me explain why you should start talking to your ex again…’ very strange]

    [this was an awesome read btw]
    :]

  60. These are hilarious and a bit pathetic. I don’t believe I’ve ever had weird emails from people lol I feel as though I might be missing out.

  61. real funny…I had a good laugh..great post!!!

  62. Very nice compilation, hilarious, comic and VERY TRUE..

  63. and this is why i teach an entire lesson on email etiquette to my 18 year old students.

    • What a great lesson plan. I do so hope they listened!

  64. crazy

  65. I think that everyone have got letters from spammers.
    I have some too. One of the newest – letter with text “i’am looking for guy for sex”
    What i have to answer ? 😉

  66. One of them was a truly bad attempt at writing an artistic novel.

    I like the guy who claims he’s an Atheist, as if it makes him unique or everything.

    You just made me hope I’d get stupid E-Mails like that >:

  67. Scary stuff out there. There are actually men out there that think pink is women’s favorite color, a flower and chocolates are quick tickets to first base, and lines like “Heaven must be missing an angel” are actually appealing. On the behalf of the men that know better, we’re not all like that. Wow! http://lifecoymm.wordpress.com

  68. If we meet you’ll need to know that I am an atheist! (Afraid I’ll scream “Praise the Lord and pass the potatoes!!!” before we have dinner?)

    LOL

    I love your replies. 🙂

  69. Hiyyaa… these are funny. Is that some kind of spam or something? Coz I received some similar messages as well. No. 5 is funny (coz she can easily know from my profile photo that I am a woman too, just like her, and… wher she cum from? Bwahaha….!!) and no.7, your comment (in the bracket) is hilarious!

    • I don’t think they were spam. I suspect that there’s a “How To Write Bad Email Replies” manual out there. I’d say let’s find it and destroy it, but then we’d have one less thing to laugh about when we’re dating online..:)

  70. Well … I got pretty jaded on the whole Internet dating thing within a matter of days and have been in a relationship for the past five years, so I’ve long since forgotten any of the good ones. I did get a pretty funny voicemail once. I saved it because it was THAT.GOOD.

    I know there are some good ones in that pile somewhere. Good luck!

  71. i soooo love this post. over the years, i too have seen/heard my share of these, including some familiar ones like you mention 🙂

  72. I went to dinner with one man (term used loosely) and then the following week received an email that explained he would like to see me again. However, since his family was back in town we had to keep it “on the sly.” I don’t know what I was thinking, but I thought I’d respond with a little conviction about his philandering ways. I asked him why he would want to risk his marriage over sex (since that was obviously all he had in mind). His response was “Some things in life propel you to take risks, and you are one of those things.”

    I don’t know if this was supposed to make me gush with excitement, but I just gagged and hit delete!

  73. I joined tagged.com (don’t!) for a short time, only because a former client was on it and invited me, and I figured it was politic to keep in touch. I put in my profile that I was married & not looking for anything. I changed my profile picture to a WEDDING PHOTO. and guys were still hitting on me. This one tried messaging me several times, hitting on me, telling me how gorgeous I was, and when I finally responded telling him to leave me alone and wondering if he was incapable of reading… he responded that *I* was nuts and “not all that.” Um… then why were you hitting on me for weeks?

  74. I got one yesterday…one of those “we found what looks like someone trying to access your bank account please click on this link to verify you password and full account information”……then it said “if you can not see this sentence click here.” Well I don’t know about anyone else but me if I can’t see the sentence, then the only way I would know to click on that magic invisible box would be to read it on Mondays and Thursdays….as those are the days when I am psychic and could know to click on the box.

  75. So funny.

  76. One of the many weirdos that replied to an ad I had up was ” I like women with legs.”

    Good to know! LOL!!

    Great post! Totally made me smile this morning!!!

  77. i’m new to wordpress but i ran across your blog and I love it! Thanks for the chuckle this morning! Its made my day a bit brighter!

    • Welcome to WordPress Aniera!

      • thanks so much!!

  78. LOL! Ohhh have I had my fair share of these!

  79. hahaha
    those r funny

  80. “(Afraid I’ll scream “Praise the Lord and pass the potatoes!!!” before we have dinner?)” – best comment ever! I was in stitches here!! Brilliant humor! Loved it!

  81. Amazing laugh… Is also what you get from many dating sites. Only for a laugh..

  82. This was a great post! I myself get weird emails on my facebook quite often. The one that cracked me up was a guy who told me all about his day, from sipping coffee in the morning, to his vacation week, and what he does before bed. He left me his number and told me he was an old man, lol.

    I go to work to find out he sent my friend one about his week on vacation!! It was priceless.

  83. are these junk/spam email or mails from real humans?

    • These are all real bits and pieces of emails that I’ve received from online dating site connections! Sometimes fact is funnier than fiction…LOL

  84. remind me to never check my email ever again!! hahaha 🙂 brought a laugh to my night.

  85. LOL! thank you for making me smile!

    Freelance Translation Studio
    Translation and Localization into CIS languages
    http://www.ft-studio.com
    http://twitter.com/ft_studio

  86. […] Strange Email Comments – The Top Ten (via LifeBytes…Real Stories) Over the years I've gotten more than my share of odd emails. Here, in no particular order, are excerpts from some of my favorites. 1. I don't have a headshot posted because I'm very famous in my town. (Um, OK. Town drunk? Married? Really a woman?) 2. I'm married but maybe you could just have some fun with me till your Prince Charming comes along. (Soooooo…you're being honest with me but NOT your wife?) 3. Make a wish and I'll grant it. (After y … Read More […]

  87. […] to deal with his oh-so-spoiled children, just to name two, and of course piles of the strangest emails ever. No, nary a life-long-love in the bunch…but at least I was looking. And that is […]

  88. […] What are these guys thinking? Apparently, they are not. I shake my head when I read some mundane, self-centered, ignorant and lazy responses. […]

  89. […] I liked that, I have a thing about wanting to talk early on in the process. I’ve just had one too many weird email conversations, I want to talk soon because this always gives me the strongest clues about whether the guy is […]

  90. […] I liked that, I have a thing about wanting to talk early on in the process. I’ve just had one too many weird email conversations, I want to talk soon because this always gives me the strongest clues about whether the guy is […]


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