The “Weight” of Dating

As soon as I lose 10 pounds and can fit back into my skinny jeans, I will go back on the dating site and look for someone.” How many of us have said that to ourselves or friends?

How important is weight when it comes to dating? It seems women are more forgiving towards a man with weight than men are with women who have a “few extra pounds.”

The bottom line is … looks are important. But, so is the soul and character underneath. Physical attraction is what differentiates a boyfriend or girlfriend from just being a friend.

My mother used to say that “packaging” was important. But, it was not everything and that your shared values and what you have in common is most important. But, we each have a responsibility to look our best.

I have been out with some men who are so cute, you can’t take your eyes off of them. But, after a boring conversation or finding we have little in common … I lose interest and they become less cute. And, there have been times when I met a man and there was no initial chemistry but as I got to know their personality and values, I found them exceptionally attractive. But, if I did not allow the time to get to know them, I would not have seen that.

When we say looks are important, we don’t mean someone has to be a size 2 or a guy has to be built like a body builder and both of them looked like they stepped out of a Neiman Marcus catalogue. Sometimes it is a smile, a look in their eye, or the way they carry themselves.

Is weight important? Yes and No. It is a problem when the weight causes you frustration … sucks away your personality … inhibits you being your true self … or risks your health.

I have been out with men who have a wry smile that is dazzling, but have more weight on them than I would like … but if the chemistry and bond is there, it is of little concern.

Likewise, I have been on dates when I have not been at an optimal weight and I wonder, “doesn’t my weight make me less attractive to them … why do they like me?” I realize they see a 3 dimensional person who is fun and intelligent. But, in a wierd way, I almost get annoyed at them for accepting me with my extra weight. (therapist please!! lol)

At the end of the day, I think 4 things prevail:
a. We need to be the best people we can be as it relates to health and self development.
b. Looks have a preliminary importance in sparking an attraction that makes you want to date someone but there needs to be substance.
c. That who the person is on the inside is more important and we owe it to ourselves and the people we meet to allow time to look past the shallow veneer of looks and see what kind of treasure lies within that person because attraction and chemistry can develop.
d. A persons character is not fleeting as looks can be — so give people a chance and give them the kind of respect and chance you hope people allow you.

Weight can be lost and gained.

Chivalry, consideration, thoughtfulness, heart, a sense of charity, kindness, humor goodness and appreciation of family and what we have in our lives are not so easy to gain.

So, before you are so hard on yourself or with others, embrace all the other wonderful things you bring to the table and how lucky someone is to know you. And how lucky you are to have an opportunity to meet and get to know a wonderful person.

Give chemistry and attraction some time to see what develops. And, if that physical chemistry is a forceful magnet, be sure to look beneath the surface at the character within.

I gained weight since my mom’s passing last year. I am now on a diet and losing weight. And, it feels great. I feel healthier and happier about myself. I am not doing it be more attractive. I am not doing it so I can go on some dating site. I am doing it for me … and hopefully that is what someone will find attractive … Just me … in whatever form that takes on both the inside and outside of who I am.

Please take our Poll.

“

Thanks for listening …
Mariann

Crazy…Embrace It, Live It, Love It.

I dated an online match a while back for about a month, three or four dates that’s it. Nice guy, educated and polite with a really great smile and sense of humor. I dumped him. Why? Well, in those first getting-to-know-you conversations, a theme became painfully apparent to me. A theme that I knew, unless we were instantly killed by a falling meteor as we exited the restaurant we’d just had dinner at, I would be woven into at some point in his life.

According to this man all the women in his life, from his ex-wife to every female that he’d ever dated, was, in his words – “Crazy”. His Ex was crazy because she just wanted to shop all day, every day. His last girlfriend was crazy because she was an animal-rights activist and would scold him every time he ate meat. Previous girlfriends were crazy because “she was too into her job”, “wore really weird hats all the time”, “was obsessed with her pez-dispenser collection”… and the list went on. I started to wonder what about me would become “crazy” to my new friend “Mr. Freud”. I broke off the relationship while I still had some semblance of sanity about me.

This happened back a few years and I’d really almost forgotten about it until about a week ago. I was having dinner with some girlfriends and we arrived at the are-you-dating-anyone-interesting portion of the evening. One of my friends shared a story of a not so great internet date, ending with the comment that the guy was really crazy.

“They’re all crazy,” added another friend.

“Yes”, chimed in yet another friend, “they’re are no normal men left at all!”

The conversation turned with a vengeance to the subject of “crazy” dates. It seemed that every man was just plain crazy. I started wondering if single men think all women are off their rockers. They probably do since, honestly, everyone is crazy…at least a little bit.

We all have our little quirks and peccadilloes and to some people these little oddities that we embrace in our lives most assuredly seem totally, full-throttle out and out bonkers. I’m sure there are men out there who think that my undying love for theater is just a bit too far out on the loony scale for them. And it probably is…besides passing up almost any other activity for a night out at a live theatrical production, I perform in local theater. I work my 9 to 5 job all day and head out to the theater at night for rehearsals. A few days before a new show that I’m in opens I’m sure I look like a vampire from the lack of sleep…and I do this for “fun and relaxation”. Crazy? Of course it is, at least it is to someone who doesn’t share my little obsession. To a fellow “Theater Person” however, I’m perfectly normal, maybe even more so than all the poor souls out there who don’t share our love for live performance. The same can be said for the avid golfer who never misses a tee-time, the collector of rare books, whose home is filled to the rafters with musty old volumes or the Star Wars fan who can quote lines from every S.W. movie ever produced and goes to ComicCon dressed as Darth Vader. Crazy….completely and totally, to everyone except those who share or at least understand these strange quirks of ours.

So really one person’s crazy is just another person’s perfect. It’s a matter of perspective and, instead of complaining about all the nuts that you meet out there, maybe it would be a more productive and successful dating world if you accepted that we’re all dysfunctional in some way. Then you can chuckle and move on from those who are not at the same end of the crazy scale as you are. Because eventually you will meet that guy/gal who is just as addicted as you are to playing World of Warcraft or collecting vintage egg cups or…

I say, let’s just embrace and love our wack-a-doo little selves for the unique people we really are. Eventually we’ll find the Olivier for our Streep or the Princess Leia for our Han Solo, and we’ll find that they, and we, are not really so crazy after all – just crazy for each other.

Sharon

Dressing for a Date!

Dressing for a date can be fun … or very stressful. We’ve all been there. You want to look perfect. So every article of clothing gets closely scrutinized. You don’t want to overdress. You don’t want to send the wrong “message.” You don’t want to look too casual.

Personally, for a date, I tend to like an “after work” drink or a casual place for dinner. This way, I am either in a work suit or I will do nice jeans and a dressy-casual blouse. And, since 90% of my clothing is black, I rarely fret too much over what color to wear. LOL

In searching the web, I found a site, FASHIION SHE SAYS (www.fashionshesays.com). I was duly impressed with this site and the young lady who can take an outfit and change it to present 3 new outfits that ranage anywhere from casual to fun and whimsical to dressy. Her sense of fashion and style in her ability to put clothes together is fantastic. It is a wonderful example and template to follow that will help guide you for ideas when you are wondering how to dress for a date. And, she posts new ideas everyday.

I came away from this site and thought, “she makes you think outside the box in regard to fashion and how to dress” and that unique ability can teach us all to express our own individuality and creativity.

So, don’t walk … run to this site and check it out.

The one advantage of the internet is that you can use it as a tool to help and guide you with most things. And, sometimes, you can find a gem … like this site … FASHION SHE SAYS (www.fashionshesays.com)

When you dress well and feel you look good, that feeling envelops you and positively projects a confident YOU to your date. And, just bring your humor, personality and brain, and you can’t help but WOW your date.

Of course, men have it much easier than women (sorry guys, but that’s the truth). So when I go on a date and a man brings his A-game in his attire, that is appreciated because it says he respects himself and me by looking nice. It definately wins him points.

I am sure we have all been on dates where someone shows up and their attire is a bit lacking. I had one experience where not only were his clothes mis-matching, they smelled of moth balls. Yuk! Needless to say, that was a very quick date. And, NO, there was no 2nd date.

So, please … share your stories. We love to hear feedback and stories.

Thanks for reading!

Mariann
www.lifebytesbook.com
lifebytesrealstories.com

Holidays And New Beginnings

Well, it has been awhile since I posted an entry. The bustle of the Holiday Season made it difficult for me to find time to pay my bills much less post a blog entry.

The Holidays can be a double edged sword. It can be a time of great joy and happiness with family or loved ones. And when loved ones are no longer here and are missed terribly or we do not have a special “someone” in our life to share the holiday with, it can be disheartening and a bit lonely.

I have experienced both this season. I miss the magic my parents created at Christmas time. I miss going to mass with my mom on Christmas Eve and coming home to a home cooked meal and exchanging presents. I miss buying special gifts for the person who has stolen my heart. And even though I enjoy spending time with my brothers and their family, I have experienced loneliness at the same time. And that is what can make the holidays difficult.

The New Year gives me hope for a new beginning and renewed focus and energy to accomplish all those items on my TO DO List and to spend some time on friends, socializing and pursuing venues to meet a “special someone.”

I think the key is to keep the momentum after the first month.

2010 sees me blessed with a good job, a nice family and wonderful friends and my health. I am lucky and blessed and I cannot lose sight of my fortune in these areas.

So, for 2010, I think I will keep it simple. Lose the balance of the weight I gained since my mother’s passing last year AND make meeting someone a priority.

And, hopefully this time next year, I will be attending mass on Christmas Eve with that special someone who I hope will help me recapture the magic of the holiday season that came so freely when I was a little kid growing up.

My advise is to not overload yourself with too many resolutions. Pick 1 or 2 that are most important to you and put your heart into seeing them become a reality. Don’t spread your focus, time and energy so thin that you are overwhelmed and then cannot accomplish anything.

Time will tell.

Cheers to New Beginnings!

I wish everyone a wonderful New Year’s and hope that 2010 holds nothing but fulfilled hopes and dreams.

I want to thank everyone who has supported the Lifebytes project and blog throughout the year.

We would like to see more comments and input and shared stories in 2010!

Cheers!

Mariann
www.lifebytesbook.com
lifebytesrealstories.wordpress.com

Where I Discover That Men Can Be…Surprising.

Between our day jobs and the holiday-family-stress-filled time of year that it is, the LifeBytes project is moving at a slower than snail’s pace. We’d love to have a few days where we could lock ourselves in with a case of Diet Coke and assorted junk foods and just plug away at the book….not to be right now. Although we are chipping away at getting this baby born.

We’ve been thrilled and gratefully amazed at the depth of some of the stories that have been submitted. Our potential authors have been incredibly generous in sharing their experiences and we’re feeling so positive about the (eventual…sigh) publication of LifeBytes. We’ve noticed that younger singles have quite a different approach to online dating than older, more battle-scarred, singles. Better? Worse? Funnier? Sadder? You’ll have to be the judges on that one. Some singles dip a toe into online dating, have one or two bad or just plain weird dates and give up on the online thing entirely; while others manage to keep their sense of humor intact enough to just relax and enjoy the, oftentimes longer than expected, journey as it unfolds. The one constant is that everyone, young, older, male or female, brings their own attitude and approach to dating in cyber-space with ever varied results.

One of the things that has really stood out for both of us is that many more women than men have submitted. Well, actually the number of female contributors part makes perfect sense. We women do tend to talk and share more, don’t we? No, what has struck both of us is that the majority of men who’ve submitted stories have sent us tales of how they met their girlfriends, wives and significant others. Interesting.

Not long ago I met an online match for dinner. As it turns out I was one of the first women he’d met from this particular site. It was one of those meetings where you both realize immediately that this will be a pleasant dinner and conversation…but not more. He hadn’t dated at all in quite a few years and was having some trouble adjusting to the process of online dating. So I shared some of my observations and experiences with him, gave him some pointers on keeping his sense of humor high and expectations realistic…and…I told him about the LifeBytes project. Now, I don’t as a general rule discuss the project with men I meet online. Truth is, that’s not why I’m dating online, I want to meet a long term match and the book is an entirely different thing. But this sweet man seemed like he needed to hear that many others were sharing his culture shock and…yes…were meeting the loves of their lives too. I didn’t go into story specifics but shared some general observations that Mariann and I have developed regarding the project as a whole. I mentioned that the men submitting were telling us their love stories. As he heard this he nodded his head slightly and a faint smile played across is face.

“That’s because we always want things to work out.” He smiled again and I thought, they do?

So, in the end, I was the one who learned something new, and now I’m curious about whether or not this is generally how most men think. Come on guys…tell us if this is true for you. Are you really all just mushy romantics deep down? Is there a chewy nougat center under the strong hunter-gatherer exterior? I sure I’m not the only one wondering about this. It’s OK, you can share your thoughts on this with us…we won’t tell…well actually we will…but we’ll only tell our very best girlfriends…;)

Say HI to FLAT MARY ELLEN

I took a break from internet dating. My personal life was in overload and I figured that I would get into more trouble if I did not pay my bills vs. surfing the net for my future husband.

My internet searches usually involve a radius of 50 miles. But, on this given day I decided to think outside that restriction and corresponded with a cute dimpled man in a state closer to FL than NJ. What did I have to lose?

We corresponded. Texted. IM’d on Facebook. I really do not like to “friend” potential dating prospects on Facebook. But, in this case made an exception.

My suitor emailed me and said he would be in town for a conference and suggested dinner. I was really looking forward to it. I met him at his hotel and we ate in the lobby. He did not have a car and I was not comfortable allowing a stranger into my car.

As we entered the restaurant, my suitor immediately talked about the benefits of how wonderful the people from the south are and engaged the hostess in the conversation. She was rather flirty and when she brought us to our table, I naturally sat down and he continued standing trying to find pictures of the trees in his backyard on his cell phone. The Hostess continued the conversation and when she left to seat another person, she said, “I’ll be right back.” And, sure enough, in quicktime she was. I felt she overstepped her bounds and she should have left us to dine instead of flirting with my date.

My date, J, was very nice and outgoing. Almost a little too outgoing. I was not sure whether to be charmed or scared.

No sooner had we gotten to the table than he pulled out an 8″ flat cutout of a photo (pasted onto cardboard) of a woman named, Mary Ellen. He insisted on taking a pic of Mary Ellen with the restuarant as the background and then emailed it to her. He told me there were good friends.

Eventually, the hostess returned to her job and my date sat down. We no sooner got our menus than J insisted that he take a pic of Flat Mary Ellen reading the menu while telling me they were very close friends.

Ok, this was sort of cute the first time. And, I can understand how friends can be silly together. But this “gag” was wearing very, very thin – almost as thin as Flat Mary Ellen.

Our drinks arrived and J again pulled flat Mary Ellen from his pocket and took her pic by the salt pepper saying, “we are emotionally very close.”

I frowned and was perplexed and had an overwhelming desire to plunge flat Mary Ellen into J’s Guinness and say, “look, Flat Mary Ellen is drowning in the beer. Quick, take a pic.” I refrained. Barely!

At this point, J kept his cell phone out and giggled as each emailed photo illicited a text from a not so flat Mary Ellen.

This was bordering on rude but our dinner was ordered and I was hungry.

When the food arrived, our conversation was again interrupted by J pulling flat Mary Ellen out and putting her by his plate – pretending to eat his dinner. At this point he said, “I met her on the same dating site as you. Actually, I guess you could say we are dating. I guess. We have great chemistry and get a long so well. We are friends … dating … I don’t know what we are … but I have never met anyone like her. Actually, I invited her to come on the trip but she couldn’t make it.”

Say *%!@# what? I thought.

Then why the hell are you on this dating site everyday and asking another girl to dinner?” I wanted to blurt out, but regrettably did not.

What kills me is that J told the real Mary Ellen that he was meeting me for dinner. At least he was truthful … to HER. But, as I reflect on it, I think he was very disrespectful towards this woman with whom he “had great chemistry with and had never met anyone like her before.”

I had other things to do than to be a “better option to eating alone” on this night. I also deserved better and deserved the same honesty that he gave to Mary Ellen.

Mariann wanted to dump flat Mary Ellen into the beer and then dump it on his lap. But writer Mariann had to see where this was going. Hey … I had a blog to write!!

J eventually went on about how his last girlfriend broke up with him because she thought he was having an emotional affair with a friend of his (who he dated briefly) of 25 years. And, I am thinking … his ex was probably dead on the money with her analysis.

It did not help that after his 2nd beer, J kept pulling out Flat Mary Ellen and called her … yep … “Flat Mariann.” I wanted to correct him, but I just smirked.

I sure am glad I am not his “Flat Mariann.”

Thanks for listening!!
Mariann
www.lifebytesbook.com
lifebytesrealstories.wordpress.com

Better Dating Through Chemistry

Better dating through Chemistry…No, I don’t mean that you should drop a tab of LSD before an internet date; although I’ve had a few in the past that made me wish I’d been medicated for them. What I’m talking about is that chemical spark that inexplicably ignites when you meet certain people. Sometimes it happens immediately and sometimes it happens after a few dates…and you just don’t know why. I don’t think I want to know exactly what creates chemistry between a couple, I like the mystery. I like meeting someone, feeling that connection and then experiencing the delicious excitement of not knowing why it’s there or where it will lead us.

I think sometimes that I’m alone in that opinion. At least that’s the impression I get from many of the dating sites I’ve seen. They all seem to feature a personality test or a compatibility matching system or some other form of cyber-voodoo that will “guarantee” (this word is usually followed by the dreaded * – which means that you should take that word very, very loosely) your chances at finding true love.

eHarmony has an hours long test that matches you on different levels of compatibility. Of course, after all this there are a few people that eHarmony pronounces as “unmatchable”. WOW…my mother always told me that there’s a lid for every pot – apparently not. Of course she never had to take a test to find my dad. Chemistry.com has a test that rates you in four areas. Perfect Match has a test created by a relationship expert. Even the free sites have quizzes and surveys that you can take that will give you insights into who you really are and who you really want to find. I’ve yet to find a site that uses astrology, tarot or tea leaves, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these showed up in the mix one day.

If all these guarantees of perfect compatibility through psycho-social poking, prodding and rating were a sure thing, dating sites would all be out of business and all the Las Vegas wedding chapels would be on the Fortune 500 list.

I remember a few years ago, the opening episode of that season’s “The Bachelor” included a young woman who was chosen for the bachelor based on their mutual eHarmony compatibility matching. She never made it past the first episode..yep…tossed off on her compatible little keister. So much for scientific matching.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like taking all those quirky personality tests. It brings me back to my tween years when my girlfriends and I would spend hours taking Cosmopolitan’s quizzes….”Are You Virtuous or Vixenish?”. We had no idea what some of those questions meant, but what a hoot trying to answer them…:) So now after all these years of Cosmo quizzes and internet chemistry tests I am probably the bane of psycho therapists everywhere….she who knows herself too well.

In the end though, when you’re meeting a new man or woman, it still comes down to that elusive, non-measurable chemical reaction. And I like that…the mystery, the excitement, the wondering where it will lead. That’s what I like about internet dating, it gives you so many more chances to find that.

A Designer’s Lament

I need to start this post with a Graphic Design Diva’s Hissy Fit. …I put a short profile and a photo up on PlentyOfFish.com and made a valiant attempt at trying to figure out how to “work” the site. I am exhausted, and I still haven’t completely figured out this place. Now the Pollyanna side of me is saying “You never know. Don’t judge a site by it’s navigation. Your soul mate may be lurking around on there somewhere. Chin up Girl!” And the Design Diva is screaming “BARF…GAG…it’s ugly here. GET OUT before the place permanently blinds you!” I just can’t get comfortable with this site.

First of all the photos are horrible…all of them. Seems when you upload a photo the site re-sizes your pix….but not proportionately. I’ve yet to see a man on there who doesn’t look like some variation of Mr. Potato Head. Now I’m sure most of these guys are actually normal to great-looking in real life. I’m also sure that the majority of them posted photos that are an accurate depiction of what they look like, but by the time these pix get posted on pof.com they have apparently gone through some kind of internet nuclear holocaust, causing them to become Mr. Potato-fied. I am actually afraid to look at the public view of my profile. I don’t want to know what happened to my head.

I did find a rating section on the site though. You can submit your headshot and have members rate you, from a 1 (Fish Again) to a 10 (Great Catch). Am I the only one who finds this too icky to bear? Needless to say I will not be submitting my headshot to this section. There’s also a discussion board, which I just haven’t had time to delve into, and just as well too because, let’s face it, I’m looking for a real-live date – not a discussion board buddy.

I’ve gotten a few emails from men on the site and not one of them is more than one sentence long. Actually most are just a word or two, like “Hi There” or “Va-Va-Voom” (do people really still use that expression??!!), or “Hey Hottie”. I have to be honest, I need more than that verbally. I like to know that the person I’m considering meeting can string a short series of sentences into a coherent message. Call me crazy, but I really do like that. I wonder if this penchant for the briefest possible message has something to do with the structure of the site? Maybe all these gentlemen are so mentally drained from trying to navigate the labyrinth that is PlentyOfFish that basic language skills have now escaped them.

I did briefly reply to a Mr. Potato Head from New York. He wrote “You seem very lovely, it’s a shame that we’re so far from one another”. His profile seemed intelligent and down-to-earth and, although he really is G.I. (geographically inappropriate) I decided to write back with, “Thanks for writing. I enjoyed your profile and I too think it’s too bad that we’re so far apart. I do have cousins who live out your way though. It’s a nice area.” He replied that he might mapquest where I lived and then he mentioned a town that’s about 50 miles south of me! So, I sent him a note telling him to set his mapquest sights to my actual home town….and….never heard back from him. Well, that’s the way it goes with online dating…sometimes they just disappear…onward and upward then.

For now I’m going to leave my profile up on PlentyOfFish…Polyanna usually wins with me. It’s free so it couldn’t hurt, right? In the meantime, I’m open to suggestions for other likely sites. Let me know if you run across an interesting one.

Decisions, Decisions

I have been off of dating online for about a month now. Why? I’m too busy….working on a book about adventures in online dating. Oh, the irony. O. Henry would be so proud of me. But, I am not entirely idle on that score. I’m planning to get back on the merry-go-round in the next few weeks, just not sure what site to try. I’ve had luck on Match.com. I had a wonderful 2 1/2 year relationship that started with a typical Match date. I think that I’d like to test some other waters this time though. So, to that end, I am doing some research into other sites. There are SO many of them out there!! You can find sites for Catholics, Jews, Liberals, Conservatives, Born-Again Christians, Jocks (yes, really, Fitness-singles.com), straights, gays, swingers, under 30s, over 30s and the “hard to remember my age anymore” group. The cost for these sites varies wildly, from free to a fee that’s roughly the equivalent of a medium sized mortgage payment. There seems to be a dating site for every lifestyle and preference out there. I have yet to find my ultimate site though: chocoholic-singles.com. When I do though, I am so THERE baby!

I’ve decided to start by checking out the free sites. Well, let me re-phrase, my WALLET has kindly made this decision for me…such a considerate inanimate object. A while back I’d actually started an account with downtoearth.com, but never really explored the site and they never sent me those annoying “Someone Special Is Waiting For You” emails either so I’d completely forgotten about it. I just logged on earlier today to finally plunge into the site, which I think is owned by Match.com, only to find that it’s now called Stir.com…hmmmm. Apparently you can find People – Places – Parties here. Not sure if it’s a dating site or a networking site.

I am not going to start an account here, although it apparently is free. Sorry, you kids will have to check the site out and report back to me about it. …..Hehehe, just read what I typed…Am I getting OLD? Why am I not burning with curiosity about this night-life toutin’, friend findin’, hot-spot spottin’ web site? Could it be that the people pictured on the home page look like they’re my sons age???? Could it be??!! Not for me, I’m so not a Cougar. By the way, I hate that word “cougar”. A woman who dates someone younger is a Cougar and a man who dates someone younger is a… what is that word they use?…Oh, yeah..a MAN. OK, OK, I will not go off on a total feminist tangent…but – really.

I think what it finally boils down to is that I want to find a relationship, a good, healthy, lasting relationship and I don’t think a site with a title like STIR is the place for that. So, this week I’m going to see what PlentyOfFish.com is all about. Yes, the title “Plenty of Fish” sounds as if it’s a haven for serial-daters, but I have a girlfriend who’s met some guys there and a male friend who’s met someone he’s truly crazy about. On the other hand Mares tells me that everyone there is creepy and/or married. I think I’ll just have to do the research myself here.

Have any of you been on plentyoffish? Any luck? Any sites to recommend? My detective hat is on, pad and pencil in hand.

Relationship Marketing, Part 2

Reading through profile after profile after profile just makes my eyes glaze over. The last time in my life that I can remember this happening to me on a regular basis was in my college Organic Chemistry class. I find myself skimming at times trying to find the key words that spark my fancy. Then, I feel guilty. He probably spent hours writing about his lovable dateability and here I am speed reading through his profile to see if he added the words Theater, Art, NYC or “loves to cuddle”. And how many men are skimming my profile looking for their must-have key words? Many, I’m sure.

So here’s the Marketing challenge. How do you distill your wonderful self down to approximately 2000 words? Words that will jump off the page and make the reader say, “Now THIS person is one in a million”.

Good advertising copy (sorry to sound unromantic, but that IS what a dating profile is) has a few elements that are important to remember when you’re crafting that profile. First, you have to stand out in the crowd. Look, here’s what ad pros know: most products in your particular industry are fairly similar. It’s true, most cell phones (or frozen dinners, or razors or… you get the idea) are almost identical in that they offer the same features, comparable rates, etc. The copywriter’s job is to make their client’s product sound like the must have item of the day, and they do this by starting with market research. They find out what the other guys are saying about their products first, so they can then make THEIR product sound just that much better. So what you need to do, dear dater, is to read profiles of people of your gender, in your age range. Yes, I know, sounds sort of weird. But when you realize that everybody feels comfortable in both black tie and jeans you realize that, in order to stand out from the crowd you have to come up with something more original. Like prefer to hang out in sweat pants most days, but can clean up good for a fancy night out on occasion, if that is indeed who you are.

So, now that you know what all the other products on the site are advertising, it’s time to get your outline written. Make a list. List all the things about YOU that will paint a picture of your adorable self. Not easy…challenging..but, if done well, will help to reel in your soul mate and probably put your therapist out of business because you now know yourself so well.

Now you get to put all these brilliant key words into sentences. Not a writer? Try this: get a voice recorder and record yourself talking about who you are and who you’re looking for – using your list of traits and key words, of course. Then, it’s just a matter of transposing this into writing and polishing it up a bit. Try it, it works, and in the end what you’ve written will really sound like you.

One more bit of advice here. Be honest. I know, I know…that cute chick who says she’s looking for a skier. It’s tempting to toss something about skiing into you profile in hopes of catching her eye. But, if you’re not a skier, she WILL find out when you break a limb on your first ski date with her. So stick to the words and phrases that are really and truly you, in your own voice. In the end you’ll attract those folks who see you for the wonderful, adorable, must have date of the year that you are.