Better Dating Through Chemistry

Better dating through Chemistry…No, I don’t mean that you should drop a tab of LSD before an internet date; although I’ve had a few in the past that made me wish I’d been medicated for them. What I’m talking about is that chemical spark that inexplicably ignites when you meet certain people. Sometimes it happens immediately and sometimes it happens after a few dates…and you just don’t know why. I don’t think I want to know exactly what creates chemistry between a couple, I like the mystery. I like meeting someone, feeling that connection and then experiencing the delicious excitement of not knowing why it’s there or where it will lead us.

I think sometimes that I’m alone in that opinion. At least that’s the impression I get from many of the dating sites I’ve seen. They all seem to feature a personality test or a compatibility matching system or some other form of cyber-voodoo that will “guarantee” (this word is usually followed by the dreaded * – which means that you should take that word very, very loosely) your chances at finding true love.

eHarmony has an hours long test that matches you on different levels of compatibility. Of course, after all this there are a few people that eHarmony pronounces as “unmatchable”. WOW…my mother always told me that there’s a lid for every pot – apparently not. Of course she never had to take a test to find my dad. Chemistry.com has a test that rates you in four areas. Perfect Match has a test created by a relationship expert. Even the free sites have quizzes and surveys that you can take that will give you insights into who you really are and who you really want to find. I’ve yet to find a site that uses astrology, tarot or tea leaves, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these showed up in the mix one day.

If all these guarantees of perfect compatibility through psycho-social poking, prodding and rating were a sure thing, dating sites would all be out of business and all the Las Vegas wedding chapels would be on the Fortune 500 list.

I remember a few years ago, the opening episode of that season’s “The Bachelor” included a young woman who was chosen for the bachelor based on their mutual eHarmony compatibility matching. She never made it past the first episode..yep…tossed off on her compatible little keister. So much for scientific matching.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like taking all those quirky personality tests. It brings me back to my tween years when my girlfriends and I would spend hours taking Cosmopolitan’s quizzes….”Are You Virtuous or Vixenish?”. We had no idea what some of those questions meant, but what a hoot trying to answer them…:) So now after all these years of Cosmo quizzes and internet chemistry tests I am probably the bane of psycho therapists everywhere….she who knows herself too well.

In the end though, when you’re meeting a new man or woman, it still comes down to that elusive, non-measurable chemical reaction. And I like that…the mystery, the excitement, the wondering where it will lead. That’s what I like about internet dating, it gives you so many more chances to find that.

A Designer’s Lament

I need to start this post with a Graphic Design Diva’s Hissy Fit. …I put a short profile and a photo up on PlentyOfFish.com and made a valiant attempt at trying to figure out how to “work” the site. I am exhausted, and I still haven’t completely figured out this place. Now the Pollyanna side of me is saying “You never know. Don’t judge a site by it’s navigation. Your soul mate may be lurking around on there somewhere. Chin up Girl!” And the Design Diva is screaming “BARF…GAG…it’s ugly here. GET OUT before the place permanently blinds you!” I just can’t get comfortable with this site.

First of all the photos are horrible…all of them. Seems when you upload a photo the site re-sizes your pix….but not proportionately. I’ve yet to see a man on there who doesn’t look like some variation of Mr. Potato Head. Now I’m sure most of these guys are actually normal to great-looking in real life. I’m also sure that the majority of them posted photos that are an accurate depiction of what they look like, but by the time these pix get posted on pof.com they have apparently gone through some kind of internet nuclear holocaust, causing them to become Mr. Potato-fied. I am actually afraid to look at the public view of my profile. I don’t want to know what happened to my head.

I did find a rating section on the site though. You can submit your headshot and have members rate you, from a 1 (Fish Again) to a 10 (Great Catch). Am I the only one who finds this too icky to bear? Needless to say I will not be submitting my headshot to this section. There’s also a discussion board, which I just haven’t had time to delve into, and just as well too because, let’s face it, I’m looking for a real-live date – not a discussion board buddy.

I’ve gotten a few emails from men on the site and not one of them is more than one sentence long. Actually most are just a word or two, like “Hi There” or “Va-Va-Voom” (do people really still use that expression??!!), or “Hey Hottie”. I have to be honest, I need more than that verbally. I like to know that the person I’m considering meeting can string a short series of sentences into a coherent message. Call me crazy, but I really do like that. I wonder if this penchant for the briefest possible message has something to do with the structure of the site? Maybe all these gentlemen are so mentally drained from trying to navigate the labyrinth that is PlentyOfFish that basic language skills have now escaped them.

I did briefly reply to a Mr. Potato Head from New York. He wrote “You seem very lovely, it’s a shame that we’re so far from one another”. His profile seemed intelligent and down-to-earth and, although he really is G.I. (geographically inappropriate) I decided to write back with, “Thanks for writing. I enjoyed your profile and I too think it’s too bad that we’re so far apart. I do have cousins who live out your way though. It’s a nice area.” He replied that he might mapquest where I lived and then he mentioned a town that’s about 50 miles south of me! So, I sent him a note telling him to set his mapquest sights to my actual home town….and….never heard back from him. Well, that’s the way it goes with online dating…sometimes they just disappear…onward and upward then.

For now I’m going to leave my profile up on PlentyOfFish…Polyanna usually wins with me. It’s free so it couldn’t hurt, right? In the meantime, I’m open to suggestions for other likely sites. Let me know if you run across an interesting one.

Decisions, Decisions

I have been off of dating online for about a month now. Why? I’m too busy….working on a book about adventures in online dating. Oh, the irony. O. Henry would be so proud of me. But, I am not entirely idle on that score. I’m planning to get back on the merry-go-round in the next few weeks, just not sure what site to try. I’ve had luck on Match.com. I had a wonderful 2 1/2 year relationship that started with a typical Match date. I think that I’d like to test some other waters this time though. So, to that end, I am doing some research into other sites. There are SO many of them out there!! You can find sites for Catholics, Jews, Liberals, Conservatives, Born-Again Christians, Jocks (yes, really, Fitness-singles.com), straights, gays, swingers, under 30s, over 30s and the “hard to remember my age anymore” group. The cost for these sites varies wildly, from free to a fee that’s roughly the equivalent of a medium sized mortgage payment. There seems to be a dating site for every lifestyle and preference out there. I have yet to find my ultimate site though: chocoholic-singles.com. When I do though, I am so THERE baby!

I’ve decided to start by checking out the free sites. Well, let me re-phrase, my WALLET has kindly made this decision for me…such a considerate inanimate object. A while back I’d actually started an account with downtoearth.com, but never really explored the site and they never sent me those annoying “Someone Special Is Waiting For You” emails either so I’d completely forgotten about it. I just logged on earlier today to finally plunge into the site, which I think is owned by Match.com, only to find that it’s now called Stir.com…hmmmm. Apparently you can find People – Places – Parties here. Not sure if it’s a dating site or a networking site.

I am not going to start an account here, although it apparently is free. Sorry, you kids will have to check the site out and report back to me about it. …..Hehehe, just read what I typed…Am I getting OLD? Why am I not burning with curiosity about this night-life toutin’, friend findin’, hot-spot spottin’ web site? Could it be that the people pictured on the home page look like they’re my sons age???? Could it be??!! Not for me, I’m so not a Cougar. By the way, I hate that word “cougar”. A woman who dates someone younger is a Cougar and a man who dates someone younger is a… what is that word they use?…Oh, yeah..a MAN. OK, OK, I will not go off on a total feminist tangent…but – really.

I think what it finally boils down to is that I want to find a relationship, a good, healthy, lasting relationship and I don’t think a site with a title like STIR is the place for that. So, this week I’m going to see what PlentyOfFish.com is all about. Yes, the title “Plenty of Fish” sounds as if it’s a haven for serial-daters, but I have a girlfriend who’s met some guys there and a male friend who’s met someone he’s truly crazy about. On the other hand Mares tells me that everyone there is creepy and/or married. I think I’ll just have to do the research myself here.

Have any of you been on plentyoffish? Any luck? Any sites to recommend? My detective hat is on, pad and pencil in hand.

Relationship Marketing, Part 2

Reading through profile after profile after profile just makes my eyes glaze over. The last time in my life that I can remember this happening to me on a regular basis was in my college Organic Chemistry class. I find myself skimming at times trying to find the key words that spark my fancy. Then, I feel guilty. He probably spent hours writing about his lovable dateability and here I am speed reading through his profile to see if he added the words Theater, Art, NYC or “loves to cuddle”. And how many men are skimming my profile looking for their must-have key words? Many, I’m sure.

So here’s the Marketing challenge. How do you distill your wonderful self down to approximately 2000 words? Words that will jump off the page and make the reader say, “Now THIS person is one in a million”.

Good advertising copy (sorry to sound unromantic, but that IS what a dating profile is) has a few elements that are important to remember when you’re crafting that profile. First, you have to stand out in the crowd. Look, here’s what ad pros know: most products in your particular industry are fairly similar. It’s true, most cell phones (or frozen dinners, or razors or… you get the idea) are almost identical in that they offer the same features, comparable rates, etc. The copywriter’s job is to make their client’s product sound like the must have item of the day, and they do this by starting with market research. They find out what the other guys are saying about their products first, so they can then make THEIR product sound just that much better. So what you need to do, dear dater, is to read profiles of people of your gender, in your age range. Yes, I know, sounds sort of weird. But when you realize that everybody feels comfortable in both black tie and jeans you realize that, in order to stand out from the crowd you have to come up with something more original. Like prefer to hang out in sweat pants most days, but can clean up good for a fancy night out on occasion, if that is indeed who you are.

So, now that you know what all the other products on the site are advertising, it’s time to get your outline written. Make a list. List all the things about YOU that will paint a picture of your adorable self. Not easy…challenging..but, if done well, will help to reel in your soul mate and probably put your therapist out of business because you now know yourself so well.

Now you get to put all these brilliant key words into sentences. Not a writer? Try this: get a voice recorder and record yourself talking about who you are and who you’re looking for – using your list of traits and key words, of course. Then, it’s just a matter of transposing this into writing and polishing it up a bit. Try it, it works, and in the end what you’ve written will really sound like you.

One more bit of advice here. Be honest. I know, I know…that cute chick who says she’s looking for a skier. It’s tempting to toss something about skiing into you profile in hopes of catching her eye. But, if you’re not a skier, she WILL find out when you break a limb on your first ski date with her. So stick to the words and phrases that are really and truly you, in your own voice. In the end you’ll attract those folks who see you for the wonderful, adorable, must have date of the year that you are.

Nice People on the Internet – Imagine That!

We tend to focus on the negatives of online dating. And whereas those experiences are in abundance, we have to hold onto and remember the nice people we meet.

OK, some people are funny or scary or wierd or dyfunctional. But, I must say, I have met some very nice people on line. We dated and it did not work out, but I am better for knowing them and in some cases becoming friends with them.

I met “Steve” on chemistry.com when he contacted me at a time when my mother was sick. Shortly, after we started communicating, my mother went into the hospital. Afer a few weeks, my mothers condition worsened and became grave. I felt I owed it to Steve to let him know my situation and shared with him that my mother was very bad and I was not up to fluffy stupid emails and would not be able to email for quite awhile and would therefore be out of touch. And, when the time was right, I would get back to him. He wrote back that his father had had passed away in a car accident 6 months earlier and he understood when a parent you think will get better does not and is in the hospital and they only get worse. So, he understood where I was emotionally.

That bonded us. He continued to email. When I couldn’t sleep, I would email him and found him receptive, understanding and comforting. Our emails took on an elevated depth and meaning. I came to really look forward to Steve’s emails. He seemed to know me. Or, maybe he knew my experience and understood that.

I was very open with my pain and how I was feeling. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, which can be a double edged sword.

“Steve” seemed to appreciate this. In retrospect, I think I had a false sense of closeness and attachment to Steve because of the honesty of our emails.

It was a difficult situation because I think on some level I had built him up so high in my mind, that he could never measure up. And, that was unfair to him.

We finally did meet. He was a lovely and nice person. We dated for several months. But, I realized that as much as I liked him and felt he was an incredibly nice person, I knew he was not the one for me. My mind was wandering to others and I found myself preferring to explore a new job in a new city than to stay in my current location with him nearby.

It was difficult to tell him. But, he was gracious in his response. I want to stay friends with him, and I think he does too, and hopefully we will. But, he is trying and that is afterall, just what a nice person would do.

If anyone is interested … let me know … he is considered NICE PEOPLE! And, how nice to meet nice people!

Look forward to your comments and please share your experiences with Lifebytes. We LOVE hearing from our readers.

Mariann
www.lifebytesbook.com
lifebytesrealstories.wordpress.com

Relationship Marketing, part 1

In my day life (when I take off the SuperDate-Girl cape) I earn my living in the wonderful world of advertising and marketing. The buzz words in that realm these days are “Relationship Marketing”. This is selling not only the product, but the experience of that product. Marketers want you to be the evangelist for their product. They want you to “friend” them on Facebook, allow their Tweets intimate access to your cell phone, entice you over to their website for fun and games…they want you to DATE their product and develop a loving and lifelong relationship with their toothpaste, car, shoes, makeup, clothing, bank, cereal, breath mints, candy, deodorants, weed-wackers, etc.

HAH…well, couldn’t us veteran online daters learn them a thing or two! For example, we know that there are “thousands of new singles” joining Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and any number of other dating sites EVERY DAY. We also know that a teensy-tiny percentage of those people will actually be dating material. That is to say, free of diseases, phobias, recently broken hearts, spouses and bad breath. So we start our Relationship Marketing plan with a finely crafted profile and photo to show off our wares “on the shelf” so to speak. All the better to attract the pearls among swine.

Photos are important. Anyone who says that they’re not about looks is just…well…spouting a big stinky pile of hooey. The package is important. Your friends may all think he’s sort of weird looking but YOU need to see twinkly stars when you gaze at his odd little face. So we start with a great pix and one that’s current too please. Do I have to say why? Okay, fine, when you open the cereal box with the yummy picture on it – it needs to actually be yummy.

Now, I’m not saying to go out and have your Cousin Sydney, the graphic designer, Photoshop your headshot to within and inch of of it’s pixelated life. Truth in advertising is always the Golden Rule. You should however, make sure that your photos are sharp, in focus and show you in your best light. Cell phone photos are NOT good. I don’t know about you, but I can pick one of those out with one eye closed. For some reason they always make the subject look like some creepy assassin, albeit a fuzzy one (I will be first in line to buy the cell phone that can actually take an in-focus shot of anything!).

You know those hip photos that your kids take of themselves for their Facebook pages; I mean the ones where they show only the left side of their face or just a micro close-up shot of their nostrils? NO…Okay?… just, please ….NO. These only work if you’re under the age of nineteen and have body piercings. Ditto a big NO for wearing sunglasses, oversized hats and last year’s Halloween costume. We need to see you, the real you, the you your friends and family know and love and the you that your future Significant Other will grow to love.

If you have a few dollars to spare, this would be a good time to have a professional headshot taken. I wouldn’t try this if you have a penchant for frequent hairstyle/color changes though. It could get expensive to have professional photos redone every other month-headshots need to be current. A good friend with an eye for photography is also a good choice. Go ahead ask for the favor of a nice, well lit photo of you. That gorgeous pix of you from your brother’s wedding (Before you started drinking and dancing on the tables, you party freak!) is a possibility. Basically, just make sure you have at least two really clear, well-lit photos of you. One headshot and one full-length.

Of equal and sometimes greater importance to the overall sales goal is the charming and on-point advertising copy…or in Date-Speak, The Profile. And in my next post, I will go into great detail about this all important part of your Relationship Marketing Plan. Until then, go get some spectacular product, um, I mean headshots taken!

Companionship – A TRIBUTE

HI All,

It has been awhile since I have written. Life has been busy. Although, I must say, NOT busy with internet dates. Hopefully, that will turn around as the crisp October air approaches.

We all want companionship! It is at the core of human nature to develop a bond that grows into love and be with someone we know loves us as we are and is there for us.

I think perhaps that is why so many people get dogs. They exhibit unconditional love and want to be with you … their world revolves around you. They provide companionship. At the very core of every person, we want companionship. We want love. And dogs give that freely. Maybe that is why it is so easy to love dogs.

I grew up with a Shetland Sheepdog, Dakota, who I thought was perfect. He was handsome and regal and loyal and true. I used to joke that if my dog were only a human, He would be perfect guy for me!. My mom used to say that she liked Dakota better than most of her relatives. I think she was joking, but after knowing Dakota and some of my relatives, I am thinking she might have been serious. My mother made breakfast every morning for Dakota with great care, while I was made to find the cereal box. And, when people asked my mom if she had pics of her kids, she said, “No, but I have a picture of my dog.”

That bond that seems to be forged so easily with dogs is perhaps a lesson in how we should forge relationships with people and those we are interested in …. with love, without judgement, with support and honesty and committment.

I had 13 years with my dog, Dakota, and I still remember him and have on occassion called my nieces and nephews DAKOTA … I don’t know why … they were not barking or asking for doggie treats. But, that I still call out his name means he had a great impact on me with wonderful memories.

I have a dear friend who lives in CA who I love and is a true blue friend. His dog, Oscar, was … well, just a great dog.

Oscar - what a cutie!!

My friend loves him dearly. And, as soon as my friend shows up, Oscar’s life had meaning and joy and happiness. I told my friend that when I visited CA, I came to visit Oscar, … not him (my friend).

Oscy blending with the white rug!!

People would ask me what Oscar was like. I told them that if my CA friend was a dog, he would be Oscar – fun, loving, kind, loyal, cute, a truly committed friend, always there for you, loved easing into the morning and a beautiful soul. My friend is a film editor. And, as you can see from this photo, I think we know who the REAL film editor was … OSCAR!!!

Oscar --- FILM EDITOR

This past week, I was vacationing in CA to visit my friend … Oscar really. We were to spend some time at a spa and no sooner had we arrived at the pet friendly resort, Oscar seemed listless. This got worse. Over the next few days, Oscar’s health declined rapidly and the rest of our week was spent in doggie ER’s and doggies hospitals. I am very sad to say that Oscar was so sick that he passed away today. My friend did more for him than anyone would. I have lost a dear canine friend. I know the days ahead for my CA friend will be wrought with loneliness and a struggle to understand the how’s and why’s of losing a young pup of only 2.5 years.

Oscar & the best dad ever!

The companionship and love they shared every day will be missing. And that kind of pain shoots right at the heart as Oscar will be missed.

Whether it is people or our beloved canines, companionship and love are so important – it is what sustains us. I know it did for my CA friend. And, know it will again some day.

And I do know, that at some point in the future when the fond memories of a fun and loyal buddy remain, but the pain wanes, I am sure my CA friend will find himself calling his nieces and nephews … OSCAR!

Rest in Peace Buddy ….

Mares & Oscar when Oscy was just a pup of 5 months!

Thanks for listening!
Mariann
www.lifebytesbook.com
lifebytesrealstories.wordpress.com

Aren’t all those people online like, Killers or something?

Although it sometimes seems as if the entire single universe is now dating online, there’s still a big group who haven’t taken the plunge into this particular pool yet. I’ve shared dating stories with friends who are single and haven’t yet tried the online thing. They have different reasons for this but safety seems to be a big concern with the majority. I get a lot of wide-eyed looks and comments.

Aren’t all the people online like Killers or something?
Why are you doing that? All the guys are married and cheating!
What if someone you meet drugs you and kidnaps you and … .

While scary things can happen, you’re not necessarily setting yourself up for a starring role on “48 Hours Mystery” when you date online. If I’ve learned one thing over my time in the online dating world it’s this: Keep common sense in first gear and drive slowly.

There are a few points I like to keep in mind when “shopping” at an online dating site. First, you can write anything you want in a posted profile. Always wanted to be a World-Class skier? You can say that in a profile…it doesn’t make it true any where except in your imagination. Second, you can say anything you want on a first date. Yes, I’ve skied down Dead Man’s Curve. Never mentioning of course that Dead Man’s Curve is what you named the little hill behind your house when you were seven. Talking on the phone tells you more about a date than a profile, in meeting you learn more than you did in the phone call and many, many dates, over time, will give you the whole picture about this person who just may be ‘the one’. Common sense tells us to take our time…good advice.

When you’re ready to meet an online match, do it in a public place. Somewhere that you feel comfortable and safe – and ask questions! One friend told me that he hates to do that, especially on a first date, because it feels like he’s conducting an interview. Well, guess what, it IS an interview! I’m not saying you and your date should come armed with a questionnaire but this is the time to probe and question and learn about one another. An online match once told me that he met a woman who he fell for rather quickly, the first date as a matter of fact. It wasn’t until the third date that he finally got around to asking how long she’d been divorced. She wasn’t, she was still very much married. Ouch! Would sure have hurt less finding this out on the first date, or better yet the first phone call. So go ahead, be nosy you’ll be happier.

Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel comfortable having a new person come to your home to pick you up then arrange to meet them somewhere. A decent person will understand this because they’re using common sense and taking their time too. One of my girl friends told me that she does background searches on anyone she’s seen more than five times. Personally, I think that may be a bit extreme at that point but, hey, if that’s what she needs to do for her own personal comfort level, then that’s what she should do. Although I do have to relate one personal story to you here: I was home on a rainy, boring Saturday and, just on a whim, I plugged the name and profession of an online match into Google (we hadn’t met yet). What I found made my blood run cold, he’d been convicted about eight years previous for sexually molesting his six-year-old daughter! I immediately went onto the dating site and blocked him from communicating with me. THAT, by the way, is what you do when someone turns out to be far less than savory. You don’t confront them with this information, you don’t call them, email them or communicate again in any way…you WALK AWAY…period.

Call me Pollyanna, but I do believe that most singles are sincere and basically good people, however we all need to find our ways of weeding out the bad apples. Taking your time in getting to know someone allows us the space to do just that. No need to rush, after all if the person you’re with is that elusive Soul Mate that we’re all looking for then you’ll have a long beautiful lifetime together… and you can find out a lot about a person in that amount of time.

Sharon

Hair = Bald

Hi, OK .. I have a quick rant. Please indulge me. I saw a profile on line and the guy was successful and seemed to have diverse interests. I don’t normally date someone without a photo … but we emailed a couple of times and this person seemed more action oriented. He wanted to meet in person instead of spending months emailing.

I tend to like to email and it did not always work out after meeting in person. So, I thought a change in strategy might be worthwhile. After a couple of emails and 1 phone call we agreed to meet for drinks and appetizers.

Now, his profile said he was 5′9″ had dark brown hair, green eyes and had an athletic build. Perhaps I am wrong, but I expected a guy with hair. I walked into the tiny bar and there was one bald guy at the bar. I stood there and finally he turned to me and said, “Mariann?” I said, “yes.” He smiled and said, “It’s Peter.” Shocked, I said, “Oh. Well … hello.”

I have no problem dating someone who is bald and have done so. But why oh why would someone say they not only have hair but assign a color to it when they are as bald as a pool tip? I just don’t get it … don’t they think the person will realize their ommission or lie … ?

Bald - Hair - Bald - Hair - Bald - Hair

Why do people do this … Lie about the obvious?
If you can educate me or give me some insight, I would truly appreciate it.

Mariann — sorry, it was not as short a rant as I thought!
www.lifebytesbook.com
lifebytesrealstories.wordpress.com

Vocabulary Lessons

You learn things dating online. Things like new words...SAT Words even. Take for example the word: Tacit, meaning: understood without being openly expressed; implied. There’s a tacit agreement that often happens when meeting an online connection. You email, you talk, you set up a date, you meet. Shortly into the date you both realize that you’ll never again see or speak to one another and, at the end of the evening you part company and move on with your lives without a word being spoken about, ‘Gosh, this was swell…but’. Tacit Agreement.

How do we know that one or both of us just aren’t feelin’ the love? Are we psychic on some level? If we were I know I’d be out buying lottery tickets after every date!..LOL. I think it’s more a case of becoming highly skilled at reading the verbal cues and body language.

I had a date this week with a man who had contacted me a few days previous. He was local to me, loved to bake, cookies, cakes, pies, you name it. Forget the flowers, a date who could bring me warm oatmeal-raisin cookies just might be a keeper. Bakerman and I talked on the phone and it was a great conversation. We talked about our lives, families, jobs, a really pleasant talk. We made plans to meet and I was very excited about this as the conversation had been so free-flowing and easy with none of the usual first phone call hesitancy.

Our date lasted for a little over an hour.

I had an odd feeling when I first got to the pub where we’d agreed to meet for a drink. Why? I’m psychic, remember?? LOL, no – there was a guarded look that danced across his eyes, subtle to anyone but a veteran of the online dance. We sat at the bar for a drink and a pizza (this pub had a wood burning pizza oven behind the bar, so you could watch the cook work on your meal). Bakerman wasn’t quite as chatty as he’d been on the phone and he was subtly yet definitely avoiding looking me in the eye when he spoke.

I knew five minutes into the date that he had decided immediately upon meeting me that I wasn’t his cup of tea. This was fine with me because, although I found him pleasant and would have accepted a second date (I don’t make snap decisions about men), there really were no sparks. When I mentioned one of my hobbies his words made it clear that he was only listening to me out of politeness, he seemed much more interested in watching the pizza man work than he was in paying attention to our conversation. He would also, almost imperceptibly, lean away from me whenever I spoke. It was a relief to finally get to my car so I could be moving on to the next potential date.

“Have a safe trip home,” were Bakerman’s parting words to me.

“You too,” I said.

I knew that I wouldn’t hear from him again and that he didn’t expect to hear from me. But this time, I decided to handle things differently. I’m not sure why, maybe I’ve been doing this for too long and I’m just bored with the status quo. Maybe it’s because the word Tacit is just boring and dumb. Whatever the case, I decided to use yet another new SAT word, Veracious, meaning: characterized by truthfulness; true, accurate, or honest in content. I emailed.

Dear Bakerman,
Thank you for the pizza and conversation but I sensed that there was no connection for us. I wish you the best of luck in your search.
Sharon

I felt satisfied after this, as if I’d just enjoyed a big piece of home-baked peach cobbler, contented and ready for a new date. I will now be always…veracious to a fault.

Sharon